"THE PLANK" . . . . R.I.P ERIC SYKES . . . . ANYBODY GROWING UP IN WHAT WAS ONCE 'THE BRITISH EMPIRE' WOULD HAVE FOND MEMORIES OF THIS WONDERFUL MAN . . . . LIKE HIS OTHER POST WAR COMEDIC PEERS, HE LEAVES BEHIND A LEGACY OF BELLY LAUGHS, ABSURD SKETCHES, ENDEARING SERIES AND AN INNOCENCE LONG SINCE LOST.

"The Plank" is arguably Eric Sykes' most enduring and excellent work, still as wacky and hilarious as it was nearly fifty years ago, forty five minutes of slapstick genius with class, pure, simple and virtually without dialogue. If you haven't ever seen it then you should take the opportunity to check it out and take a moment to contemplate the lovely bloke behind it . . . . if there's a heaven, his long time comic cohort, Ms Hattie Jacques, will undoubtedly have the kettle on ready for his arrival . . . . Eric Sykes, you made our world a brighter and happier place, long may we laugh.



***** Many thanks to "MrRobertHampstead" for putting it up on PooTube for all of us to enjoy.

"PRETTY BLONDE IN A NITRO F.E.D" [FROM 'VIDEOCRAFTERS' ON POOTUBE] . . . . YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THESE CACKLING BEASTS GIVE ME A WOODY . . . . THROW A CUTE BLONDE BABE INTO THE DEAL AND I'M GONE A MILLION . . . . SO IS SHE . . . . ON NITRO FUME OVERLOAD !!!!!

The shit don't get much better than this, an eye-poppingly gorgeous hemi dragster being tweaked with an equally eye-popping blonde haired babe in the cockpit . . . . sadly for the beautiful blonde, the big ol' hemi at idle, while it's donk doctor gives it it a tickle, is pumping out shitloads of unburnt nitro, like full on vapour . . . . the odour of this primitive 'go extremely fucking fast' juice is intoxicating when you're not close enough to be getting it up your nose and in your eyes, like the thrill you get at a classic bike meet with all the BP A wafting about . . . . but when you're sitting directly behind one of  these classic slingshots, minus mask and goggles, for minutes at a time while the mill is literally leaking fuel from the headers pointing straight at your perty face . . . . man, that shit is gonna fuck with your peepers.

Anyhoo, one mighty cool car, one mighty tough motor and one cute girl . . . . I just want to offer my shoulder for her to cry those nitro induced tears onto . . . . damn darlin, you are gorgeous !!!!

"LINKERT ATTACKS 2012" [BY 'BERRICHON37' ON POOTUBE] . . . . A BUNCH OF INNOCENT LOVERS OF THE LINKERT CARBY ARE RUTHLESSLY SAVAGED BY THE SELF SAME CARBURETION UNITS THEY SO ADORE . . . . A QUICK GLANCE AT A HANDFUL OF THE LINKERT LOONIES IN EUROPE . . . . OLD SHIT RULES !!!!

BEEN WATCHING THIS LOT OF DIEHARD LINKERT WORSHIPPERS DO THEIR THING FOR SOME YEARS NOW CARE OF POOTUBE FOOTAGE, SHITTY WEATHER AND OTHER ACTS OF THE MOTORCYCLING GODS NEVER DETER THEM . . . . FROM THIS YEARS SOIREE, A FEW MINUTES OF VINTAGE V-TWIN ACTION FEATURING SOME SWEET OLD HOGGLIES, A TRUMPY OR TWO AND THEIR EVER LOVIN, LONG HAULIN OWNERS, TA MUCHLY TO 'BERRICHON37' FOR THE CLIP . . . . NOW, ON YER BIKE !!!

"BORN FREE 4 - BIKER GRANDMAMA GETS WILD" . . . . HOLY BLOODY SWALLOW ME WHOLE BATMAN . . . . GOBBLING GRANNY GOES ALL THE WAY, AND I MEAN ALL THE FUCKING WAY . . . . TALK ABOUT A MANEATER, LOOK OUT MR JEREMY, GRANNY'S BACK IN TOWN . . . . NICE WORK LOVE !!!!

I first saw this talented bird on the "Chico-Moto" blog yesterday and while hunting down a totally disappointing absence of decent BF4 footage thus far, I ran smack-bang into the obvious extension of the shots published . . . . this proves beyond doubt that this girl ain't faking it one little bit, taking down an entire whatever the fuck it is in in one fell gulp, yep, all of it, not a single inch left out in the cold, impressive stuff for sure . . . . clearly a professional given the nice pouch kept handily on her shirt . . . . a party trick all the ladies can learn.



***** THANKS TO "AKAMACHETE1" ON POOTUBE FOR THIS PERECT PENILE PIECE OF PERVERTED POSTERITY

RONNY JORDAN - "GET TO GRIPS" . . . . COOLER THAN THINGS THAT ARE REALLY QUITE COLD . . . . RONNY JORDAN KICKIN IT WITH A FREAKINGLY GROOVALICIOUS DITTY THAT STILL GETS IT ON TWENTY YEARS FROM RELEASE . . . . DROP YOURSELF A SUPER CHILL ACID JAZZ TAB !!!!

From the zenith of the 'acid jazz' scene, this cat was beyond most others, the funk, the soul, the killer sense of 'groove', Ronny had it all goin on, even now I can listen to him and those magic hands of his gliding across the fretboard anytime I want to do some armchair traveling . . . . impeccably smooth and posessed of major talent, his tunes, whether originals or jazz standard/classics, can take the pain of the "turgid miasma of existence" away everytime . . . . the kind of acid that's always a good trip !!!

"JOYRIDES ART CO - INVITED BUILDERS BIKES" . . . . SOME COOL SHOTS OF THE TWENTY INVITED BUILDERS BIKES AT BF4 COURTESY OF MARK KAWAKAMI'S LENS AT 'JOYRIDES ART CO' . . . . CLICK ON THE LINK AND FEAST YOUR PEEPERS !!!

A PROVIDOR OF AWESOME PHOTOGRAPHIC DOCUMENTATION, MARK SNAPPED THESE PICS OF THE 'BIG TWENTY' AT BORN FREE 4 . . . . HIT THE LINK TO GET ONTO THE JOYRIDES BLOG, MAKE SURE YOU ACCESS THE MAGNIFY MODE SO YOU CAN CHECK OUT THE DETAIL ON THESE AMAZING SCOOTS . . . . MANY THANKS TO MR KAWAKAMI.

JOYRIDES ART CO

AND THE WINNER OF THE BF4 INVITED BUILDER COMP IS . . . . DRUMS PLEASE . . . . CRO CUSTOMS AND THE "YANG YANG" THANG . . . . TO BE HONEST, I'M NOT THAT SURPRISED, ABSOLUTE HAND FABBED GENIUS . . . . WELL DONE MANG !!!

WHILE MATT OLSEN AND HIS '47 KNUCK TOOK BIKE OF THE SHOW, IT CAME AS NO REAL SURPRISE TO ME THAT ONCE AGAIN, CALEB OWENS TOOK THE HONOURS IN THE INVITED BUILDERS COMPETITION . . . . LIKE MANY OF YOU, HAVING WATCHED THIS UNIQUE BUILD TAKE PLACE ON CRO'S BLOG OVER THE LAST FEW MONTHS, IT'S LEVEL OF OBVIOUS AND TYPICAL ATTENTION TO MINUTE DETAIL WAS TOTALLY INSPIRATIONAL TO SAY THE LEAST.

In the post I did last week on the beast's virginity breaking roll out I mentioned some of the endless list of one-off fab work that has gone into this bike, and all of the invited builders turned out some mad, superb quality, custom built rides . . . . but the 'Yang Yang' was a cut above, nothing escaped the hands of the cat from Culver City and the end result was a road rocket that is a fuck off example of one man's dedication and focus on making real his very singular vision.

The number of components that were made by the man himself or so radically refashioned with his own hands is virtually never ending, you name it and it has been subject to his mind's eye interpretation of how it should really look as a single part of an overall concept, everything has a place and a purpose and everything in its place . . . . total and complete harmony, do yourself a big fat favour and take some time to really look over this jigger, like, really look, it's fucking amazing !!!



I have truckloads of respect and deep admiration for all the invited builders, many of whom are some of my own heroes, they represent some of the most delicious cream of the contemporary custom cobbling crop and a massive pat on the backs of them all, the struggle and strife they went through to realise their individual projects can only be imagined . . . . to Caleb Owens, Cro Customs and the star of the show, 'Yang Yang', biggest ups possible for doing something so outside your relative comfort zone and in such a way that it will continue to blow minds for years to come . . . . love your work !!!!

PHOEBUS BEAT CLAN "ASSJACKAL RISING" . . . . STRAIGHT OUTTA SWEDEN . . . . THE THRASH MANIC POWER PUNK OF BROADWAY'S NEXT HIT ROCK OPERA . . . . THESE GUYS LIVE IN A SECLUDED CAVE DEEP WITHIN THE ARCTIC CIRCLE SUBSISTING ON A DIET OF ONLY USED 50 WEIGHT, SALTED HARP SEAL FLESH AND AQUAVIT . . . . CRANK UP THE VOLUME AND STAND BACK !!!!

I just can't get this shit out of my head and I don't want to either, "Assjackal Rising", and it's other two accompanying tracks, explode from the speakers, dripping melodic guitar overload, a pumping, throb happy bassline, belting drum tracks and punked out, seering and soaring vocals . . . . telling a story so truly depraved the Swedish Goverment and its intelligence agencies attempted to censure its release, fearing the potential scandal it might cause and the number of lives that may be lost.

Nonetheless, this reclusive sect of musical subversives have managed to get it out there so the truth can at last be told, the truth, like bad syphillis, can be a fucking ugly and painful thing and great rock and roll, like sweaty, dirty sex, can be a powerful tool . . . . so take your hand off your dick, wind the throbometer up to 'piss off the neighbours' level and prepare for a mindbending Phoebus Beat Clan beatdown with 'Assjackal Rising' . . . . the story even Assange was too fucking scared to tell !!!

BORN - FREE 4 . . . . THE NEWS IS OUT, MATT OLSEN TAKES THE BACON WITH HIS OFF THE RICHTER '47 KNUCKLEHEAD . . . . AN EXCEPTIONAL PIECE OF CUSTOM BIKE BUILDING FROM AN EXCEPTIONAL FIELD OF INVITED BUILDERS.

MEGA CONGRATULATIONS TO MATT OLSEN FOR TAKIN OUT THE TOP GONG AT BF4. EVERYBODY MUST'VE SEEN SOME PICS, AND VERY LIKELY THIS VIDEO, ABOUT THE WINNER OF THIS YEARS OVERALL SHOW, THIS YOUNG DUDE STUFFED SO MANY CUSTOM TOUCHES INTO HIS 61ci EL IT'S NUTS . . . .

AND NOW HE'LL BE OFF TO THE YOKOHAMA MOONEYES GIG AS PART OF THE DEAL, IN A SHOW WHERE THERE WAS SUCH AN UNBELEIVABLY HIGH LEVEL OF BIKE BUILDING GENIUS AND THE RESULTANT PHENOMENAL LINEUP OF TWO WHEELED WORKS OF MECHANICAL ARTISTRY, THAT'S NO MEAN FEAT.

TO ALL THE OTHER TALENTED BUILDERS WHO PUT THEIR CASH, TIME, BLOOD, SWEAT AND POSSIBLY EVEN TEARS, INTO THEIR RIDES, I RECKON YOU ALL DID A FUCKING UNREAL JOB, YOU TOOK IT TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL, BRAVO GUYS. LIKE I SAID THE OTHER DAY, JUDGING THE WINNER IN SUCH ESTEEMED COMPANY WOULD HAVE BEEN ONE TOUGH GIG !!!! 

"FULL METAL JACKET" PRIVATE PYLE GETS UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL WITH HIS BEST FRIEND . . . . THIS SCENE STILL GIVES ME GOOSEBUMPS . . . . OUTSIDE OF 'APOCOLYPSE NOW' AND 'THE DEEERHUNTER', THE PREMIERE VIETNAM FLICK . . . . FUCKING INTENSE FROM BEGINNING TO END.

I'm gonna say it, Oliver Stone leaves me luke warm at best, bubble gum directing, prostituting history for his own skewed view and it's all about Ollie, Kubrick on the other hand was always about telling a story as accurately and as intimately as possible . . . . when 'Full Metal Jacket' was released back in '87 it blew me away, I paid to see it something like four, maybe five times, riveting stuff and full on from the opening scene and I thought it shat all over 'Platoon'.

Vincent D'Onofrio's compelling portrayal of the nerdy mummy's boy turned psycho, 'Pyle', is nothing short of fucking excellent, the geek goes from R Lee Ermey's [who is a former Marine, and, so is Gene Hackman] favourite whipping boy to dead-eye-dick then ultimately runs amok in the dunny with his 'liddle fren' in this chillingly unsettling scene . . . . anyway, just a great movie, stands the test of time by being as eminently watchable now as it was twenty five years ago . . . . oorah !!!