THE FRIDAY REPORT, WHAT WENT DOWN UP AT THE MOUNTAIN COMPOUND . . . . THE PURSUIT OF FURTHER EDUCATION IS ALWAYS A TRIP, KNOW YOUR PRODUCT . . . . TINY SKULLS FROM THE CRYPT OF THE TRIBE OF THE COOLAMON MIDGET PYGMY DWARVES . . . . I LOVE COOL MID CENTURY LAMPS AND LIGHTS, ALWAYS LEAVES ME FEELING GROOVY . . . . I KILLED A SPIDER AT FOUR INCHES WITH NOTHING MORE THAN THE END OF MY CIGGY . . . . DON'T FUCK WITH ME !!!

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY DESPITE THE ELECTIONEERING OVERLOAD . . . . I WOULD RATHER HAVE BEEN RIDING ON THIS GORGEOUS FRIDAY AFTERNOON BUT EVEN IN THE BLUE TIN BOX THE LATE ARVO WAS SOMETHING TO SEE . . . . EUCALYPT VAPOUR IN THE AIR GIVES OZ THESE INSANE HUES OF VIOLET AND PURPLE IN THE DISTANCE . . . . MOUNT WARNING, THE ANCIENT VOLCANIC PLUG, SITTING PROUDLY BETWEEN THE HORIZON AND THE CANE FIELDS.

GOIN UP THE COUNTRY . . . . LIFE IN THE FAST LANE, SURELY MAKES YOU LOSE YOUR MIND . . . . ESCAPE FROM THE RAT RACE . . . . BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE.

TRANSPLANTS "GANGSTERS AND THUGS" . . . . SPEAKING OF POLITICS AND ELECTIONS . . . . AT LEAST YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO WHEN MIXING AMONG THE SEEDY SIDE OF REAL LIFE . . . . WHICH IS SO MUCH MORE THAT ONE CAN SAY ABOUT THE SHIT-CAKED WORLD OF POLITICS AND POLITICIANS . . . . 'STRAYA HAS SUFFERED THREE MONTHS WORTH OF THE MOST TURGID, STINKY ELECTIONEERING WE'VE EVER ENCOUNTERED . . . . SCREW POLITICIANS !!!

BY THE DAWN OF THE NEW DAY WE WILL UNDOUBTEDLY BE LIVING UNDER A NEW REGIME . . . . ONLY THE DEPTH VARIES FOLKS . . . . HOWEVER, THE PUTRID STENCH OF LIES AND DECEIT REMAINS THE SAME.

FUCK POLITICS . . . . LET'S DANCE !!!

"I HAVE A CUNNING PLAN . . . . OF COURSE YOU DO BALDRICK" . . . . DAMN IT'S WEIRD HOW EPIPHANIES OCCUR WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT THEM . . . . ON THE WAY SOUTH YESTERDAY ARVO AND THIS DUDE CUTS UP ON THE INSIDE OF ME ON A FAIRLY TIDY SPORTY CHOP AND THEN, SUDDENLY . . . . DING . . . . LIGHTBULB MOMENT INSIDE MY FRAZZLED, END OF WORKING WEEK MIND . . . . FUCK 'PROJECT SHOVELLER', I'M TOO MUCH IN LOVE WITH THE SKIRTSTER FORMAT.

FILE UNDER - "YOU CAN'T DENY YOUR INNER SKIRT" OR "SECRET WOMEN'S BUSINESS" OR "STOKED".

Oh yeah, the '74 FXE is on the way out, sure as shit, as much as I dig the thing and have spent the last fourteen months assembling parts from all over the planet, investing countless hours on 'inspiration research', talking the entire concept through with Loveymucker, Roscoe and Mikeeyrat Zoo G, I've now discovered that I'm a dyed in the wool Sportster freak, I have no qualms about the quad cam Hoglets and I am in fact a diehard lover of the unit construction format . . . . I totally love the fact that even my pretty much stock motor can wind-out super easy just with a Power Commander, open pipes and better airflow to the inlet side of things, not to mention what some nice cams and some moderate work can dredge up, it's compact and relatively manouverable, and it's all contained in one set of cases. Yessirree Bob, I guess it comes from my long love affair with post '61 Trumpy twins and Pommy twins generally, but whatever it is, it's part of me and it can't be denied . . . . next thing to do is locate me a tidy older Skirtster to go to town on with the hardtail and all the other shit I was going to inflict upon the Shoveller . . . . I guess I was simply living in denial . . . . you can only go on gut instinct. 

THANKS TO RANDOM SUNDRY DUDE FOR THE EPIPHANY INSPIRATION.

PACK "WE BETTER GET READY" 1978 . . . . SEMINAL GERMAN THRASH PUNK . . . . STRAIGHT OUTTA MUNICH FROM 'AMON DUUL II' WHO WERE LIKELY THE EARLIEST BEGINNINGS OF THE 'KRAUTROCK' GENRE, WHICH, BY THE WAY, I DETEST . . . . THESE SQUAREHEAD HIPPIES WENT TO LONDON, FOUND THE PUNK FIRES RAGING AND DECIDED THEY WANTED IN . . . . BACK TO GOOD OL' BAVARIA, INTO THE STUDIO, RECORD, RELEASE, RETIRE TO THEIR INNER CITY COMMUNE.

FILE THIS ONE UNDER "DEUTSCHLAND, DEUTSCHLAND UBER ALLES . . . SORT OF"

FERK, WHAT A CRAZY WORLD THIS WHOLE PHONE/PHOTO THING IS . . . . JUST FRIGGING ABOUT DURING DOWNTIME BETWEEN CALLS AND FOLLOWED THE INSTRUCTIONS . . . . WHAMMO, A RADICAL NEW VISUAL WORLD OPENS UP TO ME, NOT THAT IT'S ANYTHING NEW TO MOST OF YOU GUYS . . . . BUT TO ME IT'S AKIN TO JUMPING RIGHT INTO THE SCREEN AND ENDING UP IN 'TRON' . . . . LIKE FINGER-PAINTING FOR ADULTS ONLY MINUS THE MESS CLEAN AT THE END.

YEP, EMBRACING COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY . . . . THAT'S WHAT I'VE ALWAYS BEEN INTO . . . . HA HA HA !!!!

FOREVER TWO WHEEELS/TWO WHEELS FOREVER

CROW "YOUR MOTIVE" . . . . AN AUSSIE BAND THAT DESERVED INFINITELY MORE EXPOSURE THAN THEY ULTIMATELY RECEIVED AT THE TIME . . . . DESCRIBED BY MANY CRITICS AS ONE OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL ACTS OF THIER DAY, THEY RELEASED A HANDFUL OF CUTTING EDGE, LEFT FIELD, SEETHING, SONIC ATTACK ALBUMS IN THE FIRST HALF OF THE 90's . . . . ALAS, THEY PROVED TOO DAUNTING FOR MIDDLE ORSTRAYA . . . . KILLER VINTAGE DRAG ACTION CLIP TOO.

It's always the way, those artists deserving of broader public acclaim are so far outside the parameters of what most sheep are capable of perceiving that recognition invariably comes all too late, by that stage they're either dead or disintegrated . . . . even though these guys have been playing again of late, the real opportunity was snuffed out long ago by a music buying public with its collective taste in its arse and a pathetic history of avoiding any kind of artistic endeavour that requires even a modicum of thought . . . . the fact that the highly combustible bass player, Jim Woff, was a close friend of mine at school is utterly beside the fucking point.

"SPLITT DECISION - FIRST START UP !!!" . . . . MY GOOD FRIEND AND SAVANT PERFECTIONIST, CLIFFORD HOAD, HAS FINALLY MANAGED TO KICK HIS CROWNING AUTOMOTIVE GLORY IN THE GUTS AND GIVE IT LIFE . . . . THE INSANE 'SPLITT DECISION' T-BUCKET HAS AT LAST FELT THE TORQUE TWISTING POWER OF THE 440 BOLTED BETWEEN ITS FRAME RAILS . . . . AN ODE TO PERSEVERANCE, PERSISTENCE AND DETERMINATION, IT'S NOW FEATURED IN "HOTROD DELUXE"

A full blown, freaked out sixties style show car, hand built almost entirely by Cliff, the 440 and the drivetrain came from his Challenger he wrote off back in the nineties, the number of one-off, whacked out doodads on this things is unsane, paint, pipes, screen surround, lights, hand polished trans case, drive shaft, steering wheel, the list goes on and on . . . . the man is unbelievably meticulous in his approach to everything he does, hand making all brass shell snare drums, rebuilding dragster bicycles, customising a 66 Coronet complete with KB Hemi, the design of his VG two door Valiant, his music, whatever he does he is the kind of guy who drives you fucking mental with his idiot savant type focus on the task at hand . . . . and now, nearly twenty years from inception, his ultimate statement of 'self' is complete, as flamboyant and out there as the man himself, he has cast the doubters out from their comfortable chairs of a 'do nothing' life and proven, yet again, that when the Sun King speaks, the ensuing action will ultimately vindicate the words that spill from his lips. Huge and hearty congrats Clifforis, 'Splitt Decision' takes the fight by K.O . . . . love ya buddy, you fabulous freak !!!!

SNAPSHOTS FROM THE GODZONE, 24 HOURS FROM SALSA . . . . DAD'S DAY DINNER, OF COURSE, CHOCOLATES, EXACTLY WHAT EVERY FATHER NEEDS, NO CURE FOR SPONTANEOUS SELECTIVE SHYNESS . . . . FIRST TIME WITH THESE TWO GUYS AND MYSELF IN THE SAME STUDIO FOR THIRTY YEARS, TALKING ABOUT REUNION, SHIT . . . . RIDE YOUR BIKE, RIDE THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR BIKE, WHEN STUFF WEARS OUT, CHUCK IT . . . . SUNSET IN TOWN, INNER CITY BLUES.

NO MATTER WHAT ELSE IS GOING TITS-UP IN THE WORLD THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE STILL DELIVER THE BIGGEST THRILL . . . . FAMILY, FRIENDS, TWO WHEELS AND NATURE, EVEN IN THE CITY, THERE'S ALWAYS BEAUTY TO BE FOUND . . . . CHEERS BIG EARS.

 SPONTANEOUS SHYNESS SYNDROME . . . . NO RHYME, NO REASON

 TEZ AND THE NIMROD . . . . LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT US A REUNION GIG

 THE FILTHY DIRTY, NURPLE PURPLE PENIS MOSHEEN . . . . C'MON, GET SOME

 FRACTURED HEADLAMP BRACKET . . . . LUCKY THESE PRIMITIVE THINGS DON'T VIBRATE

        FRONT END ANCHOR . . . . THIS THING ALMOST WORKS, FOR A HARLEY

 POLARIZED SUNNIES . . . . ESSENTIAL FOR THE JOURNEY INTO NIGHT

 RIDE THE FUCK OUTTA THE THING . . . . WEAR EM DOWN, CHUCK EM OUT

 I CAN'T BE THAT FAT . . . . I CAN SEE MY BIG FAT FEET

 SUPPORT INDEPENDENCE AND INDEPENDENTS . . . . WORLD WIDE, WIDE WORLD

 JESUS SAVES . . . . HE'LL BE WORKIN OVERTIME IN THIS LITTLE BURG

 THE CHURCH ABOVE THE BALLET HALL . . . . SUNSET AND STAINED GLASS

MOST MODERN HIGHRISE ARE UGLIER THAN SHIT . . . . UNTIL THE SUN GOES DOWN

FATHERS DAY HERE IN ORSTRAYLYA . . . . MY DARLING DAUGHTER'S BALLET CLASS HAD THEIR FINAL REHEARSAL BEFORE EXAMS . . . . DAD'S WERE MADE ESPECIALLY WELCOME . . . . AFTER SIX YEARS OF THIS TORTUROUS CAPER, LIZZIE IS BECOMING QUITE THE GRACEFUL AND GORGEOUS LITTLE BALLERINA . . . . SHE EXPERIENCED A WARDROBE MALFUNCTION AND JUST KEPT RIGHT ON GOING . . . . A TROUPER THROUGH AND THROUGH . . . . HA, MIGHT BE IN THE GENES ???

I never had a clue what 'pride' was before I became a father, pride in yourself or something you've made or done or been part of is one thing, but experiencing a real and heartfelt pride in your child is one whole other thing entirely . . . . sitting there watching my now thirteen year old daughter going through her moves before the big exam gave me such a sense of pride and joy, it's beyond attempting to put into words anymore than that. Fathers Day . . . . now I really get it. Thank you my darling girl, I love you so very much and I'm so proud of you.

P.S - and she really wasn't that weirded out by my turning up on the bike . . . . well, maybe just a bit.