JAPAN "DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADE" . . . . THE PRINCES OF POST PUNK POUTING, PISSING PROUDLY UPON THE BABS CLASSIC . . . . PRIOR TO MESSRS SYLVIAN, KARN ET AL PICKING UP POLAROIDS AND AN EXTREME EASTERN FETISH . . . . PREDATING THE L.A HAIR BAND SCHTICK BY SIX YEARS !!!!

This rendition of the Streisand classic was released in 1978, punk was everywhere and the big hair scene was dying in the arse as everybody from the Stones to ELO starting cropping their lockes and trying to adopt the new image . . . . from this period sprang Japan, led by lead vocalist and super androgynous frontman, David Sylvian. In combo with the now sadly deceased Mick Karn, Richard Barbieri and a bloke whose name I can never fucking remember, they put out this sneering, glam punk hybrid pisstake . . . .

By 1981 they had changed their image completely, gone were the male rock slut, dirtbag, heroin chic looks of '78, in there place, immaculate suits and heavy face powder along with synth dominant, eastern influenced music . . . . 'Gentlemen Take Polaroids' was a great album and shaped their future as well as making a guilded cage for both the 'most beautiful man in rock', as Sylvian was often referred to as, along with the rest of the band . . . . but this fucking brilliant take on Miss Streisand's hit from some years previous is still the song that does it for me, glam with a real and tangible 'fuck off' attitude, it caught the feel of the times perfectly, hair today, long gone tomorrow.

THE ORIGINAL "HIPPY KILLER" BY KUTTY NOTEBOOM . . . . ONE OF THOSE BIKES I NEVER GET TIRED OF STARING AT . . . . LONG, LEAN AND PERFECTLY SUITED TO REDUCING THE TREE HUGGER NUMBERS . . . . THIS SILENT FOOTAGE [DAMN SHAME] IS A RIPPER 360 DEGREE WALK AROUND OF A DIGGER I REALLY DIG.

IT'S A FUNNY THING, FOR ALL THE BAD MOUTHING THAT SKIRTSTERS COP, THEY'VE SURE HAD THEIR SHARE OF TOP RATING CUSTOM ACTION OVER THE LAST FORTY YEARS . . . . THE HIPPY KILLER IS JUST ONE IN A LONG LINE OF SWEET AS A NUT RIDES BASED ON THE 'ENTRY LEVEL', 'GIRLS BIKE', 'BIKE YOU GET BEFORE YOU BUY A BIG TWIN' HARLEY . . . . YOU GO BACK THROUGH OLD MAGS AND PHOTOS AND THE SHEER WEIGHT OF NUMBERS OF SHOTS FEATURING THE LITTLEST V-TWIN FROM THE BAR AND SHEILD STABLES IN SPLENDIDLY CHOPPED GLORY IS OUT OF KILTER WITH THEIR SO CALLED STATION IN LIFE . . . .

I ALSO FIND IT INTERESTING THAT ON CHOPPERDAVE'S BLOG POLL ON WHICH MOTOR IS MOST FAVOURED TO BASE A CHOPPER ON, INCLUDING ALL OF HARLEY'S CONFIGURATIONS, BRITS, JAPS ETC, GUESS WHICH ONE IS LEADING THE PACK . . . . I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT, IT'S NOT KNUCKLES, PANS, SHOVELS, FLATHEADS, EVOS, JAPPAS OR POMMIES . . . . SPOT ON, THE EENIE, WEENIE, QUAD CAM ROCKET KNOWN AS THE SPORTSTER, IT SEEMS THAT THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION AIN'T ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE BULLSHIT, MACHO, NEEDLEDICK MYTH.

ONE LOOK AT THE KILLER OF HIPPIES TELLS YOU THAT THE BRILLIANCE OF H-D's UNIT CONSTRUCTION MINI MAULER IS MORE THAN JUST ENGINEERING GENIUS, IT'S A FUCKING GORGEOUS LOOKIN BIT OF KIT . . . . AND ACCORDING TO ALL THOSE CASTING THEIR VOTES ON THE POLL, THERE IS MORE THAN JUST A FEW WHO FEEL THE SAME WAY . . . .



NO MATTER, YOU CAN'T HELP FOLK FROM LEAPING TO ILL INFORMED DELUSIONS ON ALL MANNER OF SHIT IN LIFE . . . . SOMETIMES A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE IS JUST ENOUGH TO COMPLETELY FUCK YOUR OWN SHIT UP . . . . JUST LIKE TUNNEL VISION CAN PRECLUDE YOU FROM THE BEAUTY OF THE BIGGER, BROADER AND BETTER PICTURE . . . . GO THE SPORTY . . . . THE NAME SAYS IT ALL . . . . SPORTAY OLE !!!!

"212 094" FROM 'GHMC4746' ON POOTUBE . . . . WHOEVER YOU ARE, THAT IS ONE SWEET SCOOT . . . . A REAL NO FUSS, NO FRILLS SPORTY 'CHOCKER/BRACKER' . . . . OR SHOULD THAT BE 'TROBBER'. . . . WHATEVER IT IS, IT'S A SUPER COOL, COMPLETELY HONEST JOB OF BIKE BUILDING . . . . NOTHIN OTHER THAN WHAT'S NEEDED TO DO THE JOB.

I love the feeling that wells up inside me when confronted with something like this, a bike so perfect for what it is that anything you might choose to alter would be verging on sacrilegious and offensive to the bloke, or chick, who knocked the thing out in the first place . . . . the wee sporty in the video fully rekindles the special rush I used to get as a young kid whenever a cool bike or car came into view, the full-on 'golly gosh, look at that thing dad' kinda reaction, the fuzzy, tingly feeling when you'd say to yourself 'one day when I grow up I'm gonna have one of them' . . . . remember those moments ????



Well, I'm all growed up now dad and I still get the same old feeling, but only nearly everytime, even though I've had a decent smattering of my own cool rides over the last three plus decades, whenever I notice somebody else's cool lookin toy that familiar old fuzzy shit starts happenin all over again, exactly as it did when I was complete anklebiter . . . . and frankly Mr Shankley, I couldn't be more fucking stoked . . . . once it stops happenin, perhaps that's when it's time to put me in the ground, skip the old peoples home, just take me out there and then. Without the stimulation and the wonderful vibes that course through my veins as a result of this type of encounter, there just ain't too much more that can fill the void.

SLAPBACKS @ "HOTROD HAYRIDE" 2011 . . . . A RAMPAGING GANG OF POMMY SOCIOPATHS [IN A NICE WAY] GETTING TOGETHER AND WHOOPING IT UP AT ONE OF THEIR ANNUAL SHEBANGS . . . . COOL BIKES, COOL CARS, COOL DC3's, COOL BEERS, COOL BILLY CARTS AND COOL TUNES . . . . IT'S THE SAME COOL SHIT ALL OVER THE WORLD . . . . AND IT'S ALL FUCKIN COOL !!!!

A BUNCH OF THE GUYS WHO RUN BLOGS THAT A LOT OF US FOLLOW ARE SOME OF THE CREW RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS CAPER AND OTHERS LIKE IT GROWING IN POPULARITY IN THE UK . . . . AND THIS STUFF IS GAINING POPULAR ACCEPTANCE THE WORLD OVER AND NO MATTER HOW SOME FEEL ABOUT THIS SURGE IN PUBLIC INTEREST, I SAY IT'S A NEAT THING . . . . JUST BE GROOVY, DON'T BE A DICK !!!

EVERYONE'S ENTITLED TO JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON AND RELISH IN THE SHIT THAT HAS BEEN PART OF MANY OF OUR LIVES FOREVER, IT'S THE NATURE OF THINGS, AND IN MY OPINION, THE MORE THE MERRIER, COME ON DOWN . . . . IT'S ONLY WHEN YOU TURN UP ARMED WITH BULLSHIT ATTITUDE, OFF THE RACK 'COOL' AND A LACK OF RESPECT THAT YOU'RE GONNA END UP IN THE POO.

SO GET OUT AND GET INTO IT, IF YOU DIG IT AND WANNA BE PART OF IT, RIGHT ON, BUT PLEASE . . . . REMEMBER YOUR MANNERS . . . . BE NICE.

"SUNDAY MORNING COMING DOWN" KRIS KRISTOFFERSON . . . . MAYBE THIS IS THE SORT SONG YOU GROW INTO MORE AND MORE THE OLDER YOU BECOME . . . . MAYBE IT'S LYRICAL CONTENT BECOMES EVEN MORE PERTINENT WHEN YOUR BACK CATALOGUE OF FAILURES AND FUCK-UPS REACHES A CERTAIN CRITICAL MASS . . . . MAYBE IT'S JUST ONE OF THE GREATEST SONGS EVER WRITTEN.

The guy's a bloody legend, it's almost an understatement given how everyone and everything becomes a legend so easily these days . . . . he's not a legend because he's a Rhodes Scholar, he's not a legend because he's spent a fair chunk of his life hangin out with his equally legendary and well documented counterparts, not because he served as an officer in the military nor because he's acted in some fairly credible film roles . . . . I reckon the man's a legend because he has written songs about the enduring and innate universality of the human condition, and lots of em, but for me, 'Sunday Morning Coming Down' takes the metaphorical cake . . . . if you don't get it, maybe you just need to experience a bit more of life's pain, and I ain't talkin broken bones . . . . keep em rollin, shiny side up.

"MAD MAX" KZ1000 . . . . FIRSTLY, DISREGARD THE U.S.A RELEASE VERSION AND ITS LIMPDICK, DUBBED AMERICAN ACCENTS [NO OFFENCE], IT SUCKED BUCKETLOADS OF ARSE . . . . SEE THE GENUINE 'STRINE' VERSION, IT'S THE BOMB . . . . SECONDLY, THERE IS SO MUCH BULLSHIT MYTH SPOKEN ABOUT THE FLICK, 'GOOSE' WOULD BE LAUGHIN HIS DEEP FRIED FACE OFF !!!!

THIS POST IS TO ADDRESS ONE OF THE MANY BONES OF CONTENTION THAT STILL SURROUNDS THE PRODUCTION OF THE MOST SIGNIFICANT ROAD MOVIE OF MODERN TIME. YES, IT'S A TAD JINGOISTIC, BUT "MAD MAX" IN ITS ORIGINAL, UNADULTERATED, NON DUBBED FORM IS A FUCKING BONA FIDE FIRST FOR COUNTLESS REASONS, I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO BOTHER WITH 'PROOF' - IT JUST IS, NO ARGUMENTS ACCEPTED . . . .

One of my closest mates, fellow skater and the bass player in my first band, Dale 'The Rat' Stevens, is the nephew of Grant Page, head stunt dude and Mel's 'double' in Mad Max, in fact he shot all his scenes with a busted leg sustained in a bike get off on the way to the set . . . . and the guy who gets smacked in the head by his bike on the bridge didn't die either, contrary to popular urban myth, he was, however, a legit member of a semi outlaw mob called the Vigilantes who made up most of the Toecutter's crew . . . . anyhow, we got to meet Grant on our first trip Sydney and asked all the idiot questions young blokes do when in the company of greatness . . . . and full of too much booze !!!



The scene I've nailed to the wall here is the one showing the clocks on Goose's Z1000 as he winds it on leading up to the brake shitting itself and seizing thanks to Johnny 'The Boy' and his act of sabotage . . . . the tacho is showing around the 8,000 to 8,500 mark and the speedo is hovering around the 160 klm/hr zone . . . . this has caused a lot of armchair critics to suggest the film was sped up or otherwise faked, this is total bullshit, as Grant said, the segment of film, shot while the cameraman was lashed to the rider with no helmet, was simply done with the bike in fourth gear, [it may have been third but I don't think so] not fifth, hence the greatly increased tacho reading and the sound of the bike screaming its top end off . . . . Page, as the stunt co-ordinator and super keen rider himself took it all into account and whoever did the riding nailed it, no speeding up film, no phony clocks, no bollocks, no bullshit, end of story . . . . another wrap, another legend Mad Max scene in the can.

So, there you have it, take it to the bank folks, thems is the facts . . . . any doubters, like the guys I was having a fairly animated discussion with last night at dinner, go and do some research yourself, it'll be out there somewhere . . . . the truth always is . . . . and while you're out there chasing that down, go and check out the 'real' version of the film . . . . kill two geese with one stone.

BOYLE CUSTOM MOTORCYCLES AIR CLEANER . . . . THE ALL NEW 'THINNER PINNER' IS A REAL FERKIN GRINNER . . . . MINE ARRIVED IN THE MAIL YESTERDAY AND IT'S THE AIRSHIZZLE . . . . DAMN, I LOVE ALLOY THAT HAS THE AURA ONLY HANDS ON PRODUCTION CAN IMPART !!!!

MOST OF YOU HARDCORES AND INDUSTRY TYPES ARE WELL AWARE OF KIM FROM THE 'BOYLE CUSTOM MOTORCYCLES' OPERATION, I'M HERE TO TELL THOSE WHO MIGHT NOT HAVE KNOWLEDGE OF HIM OR WHAT HE DOES THAT THE GUY AND HIS PRODUCTS ARE THE DUCK'S FUCKING NUTS . . . .

From the moment I picked up Project Shoveller, my '74 FXE, I knew I was going to be putting one of Kim's ultra clean Pinner aircleaner units on its Super E, I'm not really into anything with too much fancy detail and as soon as I saw one I knew what I wanted . . . . by the time I got onto him they were sold out but he said he had some more on the way just in a thinner section, I said sweet and waited until the newbie models rolled off the line.

I ordered the 'tumbled' finish version as I have always had a fixation thang for the look of magnesium performance parts from the 50's, 60's and 70's. Whether it's the centres of old Minilite and Halibrand wheels, Webco and Magnussen bike components, whatever, that dull, unpolished appearance just cranks my handle . . . . plus, if you change your mind you can always shiny the thing up.

The entire assembly is top shelf, finish and detail are both excellent, no scars, imperfections anywhere, the inner surfaces of the body where the vortex inducing cone sits is similarly a real confirmation of Kim's attention to detail, beautifully precise machining is evident throughout this area, even though it's never visible, [as is the inner side of the cover] it's there for a purpose and cutting corners ain't an option. Even the weld that joins the mesh cage together that holds the mini Uni Filter element in place is beautifully executed, and it's also perfectly concentric where so many similar cages are anything but.

Each unit comes complete with mounting fasteners and the option for either a traditional flathead screw or a hex head bolt to secure the outer cover to the main body, your choice completely.

There are so many good guys out there doing their own little trip when it comes to aftermarket parts, from legitimate go fast goodies, run of the mill mechanical pieces or strictly dress up stuff, Kim Boyle at B.C.M is another one of this merry band of brothers . . . . visit his blog and check out the kit he's knocking out . . . . whatever you do, you don't have to go to the same old sources for your parts, you shouldn't go to the same old sources . . . . if you give a fuck and if you want stuff that reeks of the makers hand, go to the folk like Kim, support the guys who care, the blokes who want the best out of themselves and won't cut corners, so you get the best there is . . . . thanks BCM, love your work !!!!

EMINEM "MY NAME IS" 1999 . . . . AFTER THE DISASTROUSLY FAILED WHITE BOY RAPPER EXPERIMENT THAT WAS VANILLA ICE, WHO'D HAVE THUNKED A WHITE BOY PUNK FROM MOTORTOWN WOULD NOT ONLY SUCCEED, BUT CHANGE THE GENRE AND IT'S LANDSCAPE . . . . SUCH WAS THE IMPACT OF ONE MARSHALL MATHERS.

1999, a Saturday arvo, hungover, super bleary and sitting in my then wife's Civic as she drove us to sushi for a late get the fuck better feed of sashimi and avocado salmon ships, Triple J, one of the world's greatest alternate radio stations back then, buzzin in the background . . . . then on it comes . . . . "hi, waaa, my name is, waaa, my name, vvttt vvttt, Slim Shady . . . . " I was sold, lock, stock and two throbbing temples, I wasn't sure if whoever it was making this rap-racket was black, white or a little green man from Planet Get the Fuck Outta Town, but this was the dope, this was pure China White, raw Golden Brown, this was the shit a guy like me can O.D on forever, it fucked with my cerebral cortex like few tunes ever have . . . .

To steal one of Mr Kanno's lines, dis was Eminem, aka 'Slim Shady', real name, Marshall Mathers, this was the Thin White Duke of the modern musical era, not, like his prat, pretender predecessor Ice Ice Baby, the Great White Hype, rather the whiter than white Hyper Real Deal right from the start . . . . even my ex picked the effect it had on me, she simply said, "you like this, don't you ?" . . . . fuck yeah I like it !!!!! The hangover cleared instantly, I had been moved. He had gone beyond what the Beasties had been putting down and taken it to a new, intergalactic level.



The rest, as you all know, is history, the personal, behind the scenes shit doesn't matter a fuck, the reality is that Slim Shady, in cahoots with rap/hip hop Godfather and ultra legend, Dr Dre, acting as producer and spiritual adviser, went on to become the white dude who influenced the way even the 'Brothers' delivered their spiels . . . . he changed patterns, timing, phrasing, the entire fucking caper was tweaked by this one kid from the arse end of Detroit, almost like Miles Davis had done with Jazz and the Be Bop bomb fifty years prior.

The haters and the clowns living in denial of his significance in popular music can stick it up their arses, you don't have to like it, just like I think a lot of Led Zep, Sabbath and Deep Purple is pretty dull, monotonous drivel, but you can't deny them, or Eminem, his due for what he brought to the table over a decade ago . . . . nobody saw it comin, except Dre, and by the time they did it was all over bar the copying . . . . so, won't you please stand up, please stand up, for the Real Slim Shady.

DEADBOLT "TRUCK DRIVIN SOB" ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WELL KNOWN INTERNATIONAL TRUCKERS FROM "DICE" MAGAZINE . . . . I'D SO WANTED TO FIND A LIVE VID OF THIS BUT COULDN'T SEEM TO JAG IT . . . . OH WELL, FUCK IT, THIS WILL HAVE TO SUFFICE . . . . STRAIGHT OUTTA AUSTIN BY TRUCK !!!!

Isn't it weird that that the Lone Star State has ejaculated such a depth of not only great blues, R+B and rock bands into the world's musical womb but a long and illustrious list of sick, twisted, demented, alternate acts . . . . At the Drive In, Buttholes, Deadbolt to name but three as I sit here in a Barolo induced stupor . . . . must be a reaction to . . . . no, fuck it . . . . let's not get political, just climb on up into the cab and dig what to me is the archetypal truckers ode . . . . Dean and Matt, keep on truckin !!!

"BASTARDIZED VOLUME 2 Trailer" BY 'BASTARDIZEDMOVIE' . . . . AGAIN, RIPPED STRAIGHT FROM 'SPEEDBOYS' BLOG . . . . THIS SHIT IS JUST SUPER REAL, NO PRETENSION, NO PHONY STUFF AT ALL . . . . SIMPLY A BUNCH OF COOL SCOOTS AND CARS GETTIN LEFTY LOOSEY . . . . THIS KINDA CAPER DEFINITELY GIVES ME THE FULL HORN !!!!

I would be fully stoked and eternally grateful if anyone can steer me towards being able to procure a copy of these two choppaliscious 'fillums', as one of my teachers at school used to say, I've been to the Los Boulavardos blog and can't draw a bead on it . . . . both these schweet shortarse teaser/trailers are the legit shit for me, bikes, rods, skaties, nasty R+R and a real integrity to it, no cheesy 'pose' shots, no faux heroics, just a bunch of loonies smokin it up and having a gay old time . . . . just as it should be !!!!

Anyway, pump up the volume, focus the old eyeballs and enjoy the wonderful world of all things cool with "Bastaradized Volumes I and 2" teasers . . . . I'm well enough teased to the point of explosion from the groin region . . . . ooh baby, baby . . . . ooh baby, baby !!!!