EVERYBODY'S WORKIN' FOR THE WEEKEND, TO QUOTE LYRICS FROM A BAND SO HORRENDOUS I DARE NOT EVEN ATTEMPT TO RECALL THEIR NAME . . . . ONE COMPLETELY SHITE DAY AT THE OFFICE, NEARLY FOUR HOURS IN THE CAR IN HEAVY TRAFFIC AND NO TRIP TO THE MOUNTAIN.

FILE UNDER " STICK A FORK IN MY BUM AND TURN ME OVER . . . . I'M DONE"

A PERFECTLY POISED PURPLE PENIS EXTENSION FROM THE SINNERS CREW IN SWEDEN, A BEEZA CHOP NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD . . . . ENJOY THE WEEKEND FOLKS, CATCH YA ON THE OTHER SIDE.

SOMETIMES DAYS RUN INTO EACH OTHER LIKE PETROL ON ASPHALT IN THE RAIN . . . . THE LAST FOUR HAVE BEEN EXACTLY THAT, A BLUR OF WORK, PLAY . . . . AND LOTS OF INTROSPECTION.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN . . . . SELLING GREAT PISS, DEBAUCHERY AND LIVER DAMAGE

 END OF A LONG DAY . . . . COOPERS PALE, NOTHING LIKE FUCKING V.B OR FOUREX

 THE KEYS TO THE PENTHOUSE SUITE . . . . THREE BIG BLOKES GETTING CLOSE

 ORANGE WHIP, ORANGE WHIP, ORANGE WHIP . . . . THREE ORANGE WHIPS

 THE PENTHOUSE SUITE . . . . LIVING THE LUSH LIFE ON THE ROAD TO RUIN

 THE SKINNY ON THE CAFE ROBERT FASCINATION . . . . RUST NEVER SLEEPS

 FULL TILT KOOK PATROL . . . . LOCAL SOA CHAPTER THROWING IT DOWN THE ROAD

 OH FUCK, I'VE DROPPED MY BIKE IN FRONT OF AN ENTIRE PUB CROWD . . . . FUCKWIT

 OH LOOK, IT'S ONE OF THESE, HOW CUTE . . . . PERIOD CORRECT ZERO GRIP RUBBER

 THE NUOVO MONSTER UP CLOSE . . . . SAW BAZ SHEENE MONO ONE FOR 500 METRES ONCE

 PUB LIFE AT BYRON BAY TUESDAY ARVO . . . . JUST BEFORE THE KOOK PATROL STRUCK

IT'S NOT THE BEARD THING THAT GETS ME, I WISH I COULD SPROUT ONE . . . . CALL IT BEARD ENVY . . . . BUT THIS GETS RIGHT UP MY FUCKING NOSE . . . . HIPSTERS POISON EVERYTHING

I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT ALL ABOUT, AM I MISSING SOMETHING, DOES THERE HAVE TO BE A GANG OF BEARDED PEOPLE ROAMING THE COFFEE SHOPS AND BOUTIQUE BEER DRINKING ESTABLISHMENTS OF BRIS VEGAS, ARE THEY IN LEAGUE WITH THE SOA WORLD WIDE SYNDICATE OF COCKHEADS, ARE THEY PART OF AN INTERNATIONAL LEAGUE OF HIRSUTE HAIR BEARS . . . . WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE . . . . HAVE A BEARD, HAVE TWO BEARDS, HAVE A WIFE WITH A BEARD, DO WHATEVER CRANKS YOUR HANDLE, BUT DO YOU HAVE TO START 'BEARD CLUB' TO VALIDATE YOUR CHOICE OF FACIAL FASHION, GET A BLOODY CLUE, YOU SILLY CUNTS. 

CLUTCH - "GHOST" . . . . IN THE AFTERGLOW OF FINALLY SEEING THEM LIVE I THOUGHT I'D TREAT MYSELF TO THIS . . . . A LITTLE A-TYPICAL IN MY ASSESSMENT BUT IT'S CERTAINLY SHOWCASING THE BANDS 'NESS' . . . . ROCK, METAL, BLUES, GRUNGE AND CONTROLLED POWER.

THE THING THAT I TOOK FROM THE LIVE GIG OF YESTERDAY WAS THE NUANCES THAT ARE LOST OR PERHAPS DILUTED A TAD DURING THE RECORDING PROCESS . . . . EVERYTHING A LIVE BAND SHOULD BE.

"SUNDAY MORNING COMING DOWN" OR, "THE DAY AFTER THE ONE BEFORE" . . . . FUCKED MY ANKLE AT 'SOUNDWAVE' BUT GOT TO SEE 'CLUTCH' AND 'STIFF LITTLE FINGERS' . . . . PUT OVER THREE HUNERT AND FIDDY KLMS ON THE PENIS MOBILE TODAY . . . . ALL UP, KILLER WEEKEND.

CLUTCH . . . . WHAT A FUCKING LIVE ACT, BAND OF THE DAY, STOLEN PHOTO

FOR WHO THE BELL TOLLS . . . . GOING UNDERGROUND . . . . POW POW POW !!!

SUNDAY MORNING COMING DOWN . . . . BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS, CHAMPIONS OF BREAKFAST

 BIKE IN A BAG . . . . THE PURPLE PENIS UNDER WRAPS, NEVER PARKED INSIDE, OH DEAR

 END OF THE MORNING RUN . . . . THE BRINY AROMA OF THE OCEAN, HEAVY IN THE AIR

 LEFT FOOT BOOT . . . . CLUTCH, SHIFT, GAS, REPEAT AD NAUSEUM . . . . SPEED THRILLS

 MID ARVO BREAK . . . . ALL ESSENTIAL SUPPLEMENTS . . . . GINGER BEER AND OXYGEN ENHANCERS

 FINAL PITSTOP OF THE DAY . . . . DESOLATION BOULEVARD . . . . DOWNERTOWN

OVER THREE HUNERT N FIDDY KLMS ON THE CLOCK . . . . AND NOT A DROP OF SUNSCREEN 

HELMETS ACTUALLY DO FUCK ALL IF YOU'RE IN A GET OFF . . . . IT'S ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT STICKER PLACEMENT . . . . ALL THE INHERENT STRENGTH IS DERIVED FROM THEIR POSTIONING

IT'S A BOY THING, MOST OF US WHO ARE INTO THINGS THAT GO FAST AND MAKE LOUD NOISE HAVE, SINCE CHILDHOOD, LABOURED LONG AND HARD OVER GETTING THE LOCATION OF OUR CHOSEN STICKERS JUST EXACTLY 'SO' . . . . C'MON, ADMIT IT, THE CAR, THE BIKE, THE HELMET, THEY'RE JUST A BLANK CANVAS TO STICKER UP . . . . IT'S ALSO ABOUT SUPPORTING THOSE YOU RESPECT.

I'M GONNA HAVE A CRACK AT SOME MIDS ON THE SKIRTSTER . . . . THREE YEARS OF OF THESE BLOODY FORWARD NON-CONTROLS HAS BEEN A LARK . . . . BUT METHINKS IT'S FINALLY TIME TO GET FO' REAL . . . . I'VE FOUND A NICE SET ON THE 'BAY FOR TUPPENCE HA'PENNY, DONE !!!

EVERYBODY SING . . . "WE ARE THE MIDS, WE ARE THE MIDS, WE ARE, WE ARE, WE ARE THE MIDS !!!"

Oh look, I realise there's a school of thought that dictates the forward control caper is a cool look and I don't fully disagree, and the Farty Eight is not an extreme example either, however, and call me an old school traditionalist, but after three plus years of the feet in front caper I miss the advantages of having the pegs directly beneath my tooties . . . . you know, just the basic necessities, like full and proper control of the bike through corners, the ability to stand up and stretch my naffing legs mid ride, like on a motorcycle, like a  . . . mmmmm . . . like a Trumpy, or a Beeza, a Beemer, shit, even a fucking Sporty as they once were. Yep, I've had enough of the Greasy Rider shindig, I'm getting back to having a bike I can really ride and scrape more stuff, stick the cool visuals up your arse.

****Plus, I'll be able to utilise the nice short Biltwell or Speed Merchant pegs I've had sculling about for the past twelve months, even more lean capability there for sure, I'll be entering the Purple Penis at the IOM next year at this rate . . . . Loveymucker, save me a spot in the garage, I'm on ma wee !!!

P.S - yes, those of you wondering where fuck the shift lever is . . . . pffft, least of my worries, I'll fab something up out of a twig and some baling wire . . . . this is Orstraya, it's how we roll . . . . nah, I'll find me a nice used one.

LOOKING FOR SNIFFY LININGS . . . . TOTALLY BUMMED AT THE DEATH OF DEVO'S BOB CASALE, OR BOB #2 AS WAS HIS NOM DE-VO . . . . SURE, THERE WAS PUNK GOING ON ALL AROUND BUT THE BOYS FROM AKRON TURNED UP THE WEIRD FACTOR TO 11 . . . . FREAK OUT THE PUNKS !!!

NO BAND FREAKED FOLK OUT BETWEEN THE YEARS OF '78/'79 MORE THAN DEVO, MY MATES HATED THEM WITH A PASSION, THOUGHT I WAS A COMPLETE FUCKWIT, I REMEMBER PLAYING THEIR KILLER ANTI VERSION OF 'SATISFACTION' TO MY BUDDIES AT LUNCHTIME AT SCHOOL EARLY IN 1979, NONE OF THEM GOT IT, NOT ONE, BUT IT WAS AS OBVIOUS AS TITS ON A BULL TO ME . . . . CASALE WAS AN INTEGRAL PART OF A BAND WHO TURNED THE POST PUNK/NO-WAVE WORLD ON ITS ARSE, MUSIC NERD WEIRDOS WHO PROVIDED A LEG UP FOR THE B-52'S AND SO MANY MORE, THEY WERE A SKATERS ACT AS WELL AT FIRST COURTESY OF 'SKATEBOARDER' MAG, SKATERS ALL FELT OUTSIDE THE MAINSTREAM AND THEY WERE THE POSTER BOYS . . . . 'ARE WE NOT MEN' WENT INSTANT CULT, FOLLOWED BY 'DUTY NOW FOR THE FUTURE', BY THE TIME 'FREEDOM OF CHOICE' BROKE EVEN MY DOPEY, OOH WHAT WILL MY FRIENDS THINK, ACQUAINTANCES HAD COTTONED ON . . . . AT THE CENTRE OF IT ALL WAS BOB #2 ON GUITAR AND KEYS, SETTING NEW MILESTONES ON WHAT WAS POSSIBLE WITH SIX STRINGS AND A HEAD FULL OF BIZARRE, SIT BACK AND WATCH NOW HE'S GONE AS ALL THE BIG TALKERS AND MUSO WANKERS START WAXING LYRICAL ON HIS CONTRIBUTION . . . . BOB CASALE, YOU AND YOUR HIGHLY DEVOLVED COMPATRIOTS HELPED SHAPE MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER, YOU'LL BE SORELY AND SADLY MISSED. I GOT A GUT FEELING, A SAD GUT FEELING.

ONE DAY WE'LL ALL HAVE PERSONAL SPACESHIPS AND EVERYONE WILL BE HAPPY . . . . WOW, THE SIXTIES WAS SUCH A SPECIAL TIME TO GROW UP IN . . . . THE SPACE RACE, THE COLD WAR, THE IMMINENT THREAT OF MUTUALLY ASSURED DESTRUCTION . . . . BRING IT ALL BACK I SAY !!

LUCKY CHARM MASCOT ON THE PURPLE PENIS . . . . SOME FINK KID STOLE HIS TWIN

 WE GOT EM ALL LINED UP . . . . LOOKING FORWARD TO THE 'SNAKE AND MONGOOSE' FILLUM

 THIS IS GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM . . . . MAJOR TOM . . . . WAKE THE FUCK UP !!!

 NO TIME FOR THE OLD IN-OUT LOVE . . . . I'VE JUST COME TO READ THE METER

 THE SIXTIES WAS A TIME OF FUTURISTIC DESIGN AND PROMISE . . . . AND TINY, GUTLESS ENGINES

THE RISK OF EVERYTHING GOING TITS UP WAS PART OF THE ALLURE . . . . BIG ENGINE, PISSY CHASSIS 

 AND THEN THERE WAS KEN, CHILD STAR OF '67 . . . . BY '74 HE WAS SELLING HIS BUM ON SUNSET

LUNCHTIME FREAKOUT . . . . CLUBBED WITH THE UGLY STICK . . . . PLASTIC SURGERY DISASTERS

SHANGHAI TOWER - 650 METRES . . . . TWO CERTIFIABLY MENTAL RUSKIES CLIMBING A VERY TALL BUILDING . . . . FOLLOWED BY A VERY TALL CRANE . . . . ABSO-FUCKING-LUTLEY UNSANE.

I'M PRETTY OK WITH HEIGHTS, EXCEPT THIS KINDA SHIT . . . . BY THE END I WAS LOOKING AWAY . . . . THIS IS MY WORST FEAR, EVER.

999 - "HOMICIDE" . . . . UNDER-RATED, UNDER EXPOSED AND UNDER THE RADAR . . . . A KICK ARSE BAND FROM THE SECOND WAVE OF THE BRIT PUNK BLITZKRIEG . . . . 999's NO JOKE !!!

AS IF TO SUPPORT MY PRIOR POST ABOUT MODERN BIKES BEING CAPABLE OF COOL . . . . AFTER BEING REVOLTED BY HUNDREDS OF 'CHOPPER' MODS TO FORTY EIGHTS OVER THE LAST THREE YEARS . . . . I RAN HEADLONG INTO THIS SUPER TIDY EXAMPLE ON THE 'XLFORUM' YESTERDAY.

FILE UNDER "CONTEMPORARY, RELIABLE, NON-STOCK AND COMPLETELY COOL . . . . IT CAN BE DONE"

Owned by a bloke I only know as 'Geekster', this little thang beautifully exemplifies my argument about contemporary Harleys being totally up for cool tweeking providing the tweeker follows some specific guidelines and works within the parameters of 'it is what it is' . . . . the Lowbrow shroud totally nails the front end, also shod with a nineteen rather than a sixteen, the lifted tank, chopped rear guard, seat selection, choice of 'bars, headlight placement and even the wee chin spoiler, all add up to one wicked package in my eyes . . . . it's never going to be a classic era Sporty but with some serious road time, and the gentle kiss of the ageing process, ten years down the track and it'll still be looking the goods. Great job Geekster, best series of mods to Forty Eight I've ever seen . . . . I'd ride it without a second thought.

P.S - I've had a Lowbrow shroud sitting in its box for the past six months, maybe now is the time to drag it out and give it a crack . . . . hmmmm . . . . maybe.

GAINING AGE WITH THE DIGNITY OF EXPERIENCING LIFE . . . . I'VE ALWAYS ENJOYED SEEING INANIMATE OBJECTS GROWING OLD AND SPORTING THE SCARS AND PATINA OF A LIFE WELL USED . . . . I RECKON THE VINTAGE BIKE THING IS A BIT LIKE BUYING SOMEONE ELSE'S COOL.

. . . . AND THAT'S COOL, I'VE DONE IT, I DID IT WITH THE SHOVEL AND I'VE DONE IT WITH T120's AND A T140, I'VE EVEN GOT THE SECOND HAND COOL OF A '68 HONDA SS125 DOWNSTAIRS IN THE GARAGE, I'VE HAD A '71 TORANA GTR, A 1970 FORD FAIRLANE, A '78 F-100 AND I STILL HAVE A '65 VALIANT AWAITING A REBIRTH . . . . BUT I ALSO POSSESS A 2010 'FORTY EIGHT' SKIRTSTER, YEP, EVEN THE NAME'S KINDA EMBARRASSING TO SAY TO MYSELF, BUT I KNEW IT WOULD BE AND WENT AHEAD AND GOT IT ALL THE SAME, AND NOW, COMING UP FOR THREE AND HALF YEARS OLD, THE PURPLE PENIS IS SHOWING ITS AGE, IT WAS ONLY EVER BRAND NEW FOR ONE DAY, NOW IT'S JUST ANOTHER USED BIKE.

THERE IS NO DISHONOUR IN OWNING A MODERN BIKE FROM NEW . . . . HOWEVER, THERE IS GREAT SHAME IN NEVER HAVING USED IT AS THE MAKER INTENDED, TO RIDE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF IT, AND SERIOUSLY ENJOY DOING IT . . . . TO MAKE IT YOURS, TO IMPRINT YOUR SPIRIT INTO AND UPON IT, TO WEAR IT DOWN, WEAR IT OUT, REBUILD IT, REJUVENATE IT AND KEEP ON DOING IT . . . . THAT'S WHAT YOU DO TO A NEW BIKE TO MAKE IT AN OLD BIKE, AND ATTAIN THE 'COOL' THAT GOES ALONG WITH IT.