ZEKE "FLAT TRACK" . . . . FOR THOSE PATHETICALLY DISORGANIZED AND TIME POOR BASTARDS LIKE ME . . . . A TUNE THAT ONLY TAKES UP A MINUTE FIFTEEN OF YOUR DAY . . . . IN THE TWO DECADES ZEKE HAS BEEN PLAYING THEY'VE ONLY EVER KNOWN ONE TEMPO . . . . VERY FUCKING FAST . . . . THIS SHIT IS ALL ABOUT ECONOMY OF TIME AND MAXIMIZING ENJOYMENT SO YOU CAN GET BACK TO THE CRACK PIPE OR CONTINUE BEATING THE WIFE AND KIDS . . . . PERFECT !!

HAVE A LOVELY WEEKEND ME DROOGS . . . . WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING, GIVE IT THE BOLLOCKS

"GoPro - HIPPY KILLER HOEDOWN 2013" - A SHORT, SHARP SHOT FROM THIS YEAR'S HOEDOWN, PERFECT WEATHER, PEACHY RIDES ON FOUR AND TWO WHEELS . . . . AFTER BEING SO PSYCHED TO FINALLY MAKE THE TRIP ACROSS THE PACIFIC A YEAR AGO, I'VE BEEN DELIBERATELY AVOIDING KEEPING ABREAST OF THINGS STATESIDE LIKE THIS . . . . TOO DEPRESSING DEALING WITH THE REALITY OF THIS WON'T BE THE YEAR EITHER . . . . LIFE JUST GETS IN THE WAY.

NONETHELESS, ON THE WLP BUCKET LIST FOR NEXT YEAR AND EVEN 2015 ARE BF6/BF7, THE BROOKLYN INVITATIONAL, MOONEYES YOKOHAMA, THE TRIPOUT, IOM CLASSIC TT AND THE HKH AMONG OTHERS . . . . I ONLY HOPE THEY'RE STILL ON THE GO BY THEN, THEY DESERVE TO BE.

HOLY SWISS CHEESE BATMAN, WE'VE BEEN DRILLED . . . . ROSCOE'S TALENTS FOR CIRCLE WORK HAS YIELDED A PRETTY TIDY RESULT ON THE OUTPUT PULLEY COVER . . . . HAVING TO DRILL BETWEEN THE STRENGTHENING RIBS ON THE INSIDE OF THE THING DIDN'T ALLOW FOR A TRADITIONAL, PRETTY PATTERN . . . . THANKFULLY, I AIN'T A REAL PRETTY PATTERN KINDA DUDE . . . . SYMMETRY THROUGH ASYMMETRY, LOVE IT . . . . SO WILL THE LOCAL WALLOPERS.

I promised the local plod on one memorable roadside encounter with them nearly a year ago that I'd get the cover back on asap as they were so concerned about my well being in regards to potentially losing a leg courtesy of the exposed pulley being so capable of winding my lower limb into the rapidly spinning belt thereby tearing it off at the hip and leaving me to hop home with copious amounts of primarily arterial blood besmirching my new $500.00 selvedge biker denim, my period correct Dead Wings, not to mention the reality of fucking up the state government road itself, all because they care about me . . . . I hate rushing into shit half cocked so naturally I waited an appropriate period of time before doing a fucking thing about it, that 'thing' entailed springing into apathy and leaving it with Roscoe for six months or so as I pretty much forgot about the whole thing, which is the generally accepted modus operandi in these situations, until I was reminded of its absence once more by an unrelated orificer of the law a couple of months ago . . . . obviously I leapt into a buzz of further procrastination as life and things I really give a rat's arse about continued to get in the way of actually getting Roscoe to do the required re-engineering and myself to then nail it back on the Purple Penis. I mean, some shit simply can't be rushed, Rome wasn't built in a day apparently . . . . anyhoo, I dropped in on Roscoe during lunch today, he uncovered the cover, wiped away the dust and the cobwebs, and, in a fit of crazy, whirling dervish-like action, I proceeded to get the long absent cover re-installed in its rightful position. Now I can ride, safe in the knowledge that my leg is safe from flesh and sinew shredding dismemberment, and all thanks to the love of the local fuzz . . . . bless their cotton socks.

DIVINYLS "PLEASURE AND PAIN" (1985) . . . . R.I.P MISS CHRISSIE AMPHLETT, THE WILD CHILD OF AUSSIE LADY ROCKERS, DEAD AT A TRAGICALLY YOUNG 53 . . . . LOVE EM OR LOATHE EM, SHE WAS THE PROTOTYPICAL FRONT WOMAN, SASSY, SEXY AND SINFUL . . . . ARMED WITH A STAGE PERSONA BASED ON A FEMME FATALE VERSION OF ANGUS YOUNG'S SCHOOLBOY FROM ACCA DACCA . . . . THIS POUTING PRINCESS HAD ALL THE BOYS IN TOWN GOIN NUTS NATION WIDE.

I CHOSE THIS CLIP BECAUSE A GREAT BUDDY, MR J.J LOVE-PUMP-HONEY IS PLAYING DRUMS AFTER HAVING MOVED TO SYDNEY AND JAGGED THE GIG, IT WAS ALWAYS GONNA BE HARD GOING FOR A 'NICE GUY' FROM THE GOLD COAST AS CHRISSIE AND HER PARTNER/SONGWRITER, MARK McANTEE WERE CONSTANTLY FIGHTING AND CHRISSIE WAS APPARENTLY QUITE THE TYRANT TO WORK WITH . . . . BUT THAT SHIT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE ON THE CARDS WHEN SOMEONE'S RIDING THE WHITE HORSE. 

           BON VOYAGE MISS AMPHLETT . . . . YOU'LL BE MISSED . . . . GONE, BUT NOT FORGOTTEN.

THEM'S BIG SHOES TO FILL PUMPKIN BUT YOU'RE DOING OKAY . . . . THE LEFT KNEE WAS JUST BEGINNING TO COME UP TOWARD THE CAMERA . . . . JUST GET THE SHOT AND STAND BACK DADDY . . . . NEVER TRUST A BOOT WEARIN SCHOOLGIRL . . . . FUNNY THING IS, THEY DON'T LOOK 'THAT' BIG ON HER . . . . DEFINITELY HER FATHER'S DAUGHTER . . . . POOR GIRL !!!

SUNSET OVER PARADISE . . . . MAYBE NOT PARADISE EXACTLY BUT AT THE END OF A DAY LIKE THIS ONE THINGS COULD BE WORSE METHINKS . . . . LOOKING SOUTH FROM THE BALCONY, SUN GOING DOWN TO THE RIGHT AND THE LIGHTS OF SUFFERERS PARASITE TWINKLING ON THE LEFT . . . . MY PHOTOGRAPHIC SKILLS SUCK BALLS BUT YOU GET THE IDEA . . . . THESE KINDA DAYS WILL BECOME MORE PREVALENT AS WE SHUFFLE INTO WINTER . . . . MADE FOR RIDING

HANNI EL KHATIB - "FAMILY" [OFFICIAL VIDEO] . . . . 'HEY BABE WITH THE TOKYO PLATES . . . . WHERE YOU HEADED' . . . . LOVIN THIS CRANKIN-CRAZY CRACKER, AWESOME TUNE, FUCKING GROOVY, TWO WHEELED ACTION CLIP, IT'S ALL HERE . . . . SOUNDING LIKE A ONE MAN BLACK REBEL MOTORCYCLE CLUB WITH A HUMOUR INJECTION . . . . FROM THE BLOKE WHO BROUGHT YOU "BUILD. DESTROY. REBUILD", THIS IS MUSIC WITH A PULSE LIKE STATHAM IN 'CRANK' !!!

FILE UNDER -"YOU REALLY NEED HIP TO YOURSELF TO THIS SHIT MOTHERFUCKER"

IN THE STUDIO RECORDING TONIGHT, EVERYTHING CAME TOGETHER AND A SATISFYING SESSION ENDS WITH ONE IN THE CAN . . . . THE NIGHT WAS PERFECT AFTER KNOCKING OFF AT 11.30, HOW THE FUCK COULD I RESIST PUNTING THE PURPLE PENIS FOR A NICE, SEDATE, 70K THRASH DOWN THE COAST AND BACK . . . . SWISS CHEESED OUTPUT COVER TO THROW ON TOMORROW . . . . THEN REPORT TO SHOW THE PLOD AT THE LOCAL PO-LEECE STATION

ABOUT TO ENTER THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR FOR RIDING ON THE GOLD COAST, THE CLIMATIC DELIGHTS OF A MODERATE WINTER ARE JUST BRILLIANT, COOL ENOUGH TO HAVE THE MOTOR ENJOYING ITSELF AND WARM ENOUGH NOT TO FREEZE YOUR BALLS OFF . . . . CALIFORNIA . . . . BAH HUMBUG ???

A 'BONNIE' WEE BOBBER WITH BOUNTIFUL BEAUTY . . . . A SERIOUSLY COOL ILLUSTRATION OF HOW TO DO IT SUCCESSFULLY WITH A MERIDEN MAULER . . . . ALL THE FINER POINTS TOTALLY WIRED, STANCE, BALANCE, STYLE, DETAIL, NOTHING ELSE REQUIRED . . . . MANY WOULD ARGUE THE '70 BONNIE WAS THE ULTIMATE DEVELOPMENT OF EDDIE TURNER'S LONG-LIVED, MUCH LOVED, PARALLEL TWIN . . . . I WOULDN'T OFFER A CONTRARY OPINION, PARALLEL PERFECTION.

Not a monster lover of the all black bike caper am I, however, this jigger is a stunning turnout in every way and the absence of colour suits it to a tee, the old 'less is more' theory followed to the letter the last and likely greatest of all the Bonnies going back to the first pre-unit model of 1959. In good race fettle these mid size, 650cc Brit Bombs were definitely good for up around the ton plus twenty in the old scale, the T120 designation wasn't based on a fairytale, [unlike the massively flawed oil-in-frame T140] and they kicked arse on tracks of all kinds in the States, the U.K, Australia and around the world at their peak.

This isn't about any of that shit though, do your own research if you doubt my voracity, this blurb is all about the beauty of the Bonnie's splayed port head, as exemplified on this bobbychopper thingy, not only was it a proven performance inlet passage design dating back before the release of the '59 Bonneville when fitted as a race only component, but it just looked so fucking sexy-tough with a pair of Amals hanging off the little manifolds, and even cooler still with a couple of velocity trumpets tacked on for good measure. The fact there was an obvious upward angle to their positioning only enhanced the whole thing's visual appeal, especially in cahoots with what is without question one of the prettiest motor/gearbox combos ever made.

The reality of sales numbers alone for Triumph's most famous model tends to suggest just how right they got it, both aesthetically and mechanically, back in the times of Turner at Coventry, not to mention the tweeking and updating that took place at the new Meriden facility over the next forty years . . . . and they're still going strong today in the hands of blokes like the owner of this way cool ride and thousands more all over the globe.

THE STRANGLERS "NO MORE HEROES" . . . . ONE OF SEVERAL 'ANTI' TUNES FROM THE PUNK AND POST PUNK MELTING POT THAT HAS ALWAYS RESONATED WITH ME . . . . KINDA WEIRD HOW THESE 'OLD FARTS' INFILTRATED SO SUCCESSFULLY WHAT WAS THE DOMAIN OF THE ANGRY YOUNG PUNKS OF THE DAY . . . . SAW THEM ONCE IN ABOUT '81 OR '82, FUCKING MARVELOUS THEY WERE . . . . THROWN OUT OF QUEENSLAND BY PREMIER JOH BJELKE PETERSEN, TOO COOL.

BACK IN THE MID TO LATE SEVENTIES THE PUNK SCENE SO THREATENED THE QUEENSLAND STATE GOVERNMENT, LEAD BY JOHANNES BJELKE PETERSEN, A COCKSUCKER SO RIGHT WING HE MADE JERRY BROWN AND MAGGIE THATCHER LOOK LIKE COMMIES, THAT MUSICIANS, UNI STUDENTS AND PROTESTERS WERE ACTUALLY DRIVEN FROM THE STATE, THINK OF 'THE SAINTS', 'THE GO BETWEENS' AND 'RAZAR' JUST FOR STARTERS . . . . OTHER ACTS WERE BANNED FROM ENTERING THE SUNSHINE STATE, 'JIMMY AND THE BOYZ' WERE A SYDNEY BAND WHO FELL FOUL OF JOH AND HIS JACK BOOTING STORMTROOPERS, AS DID JEAN JACQUES, HUGH AND COMPANY ON THEIR FIRST AUSTRALIAN TOUR, IT WAS CRAZY TIMES, YOU COULD GET ARRESTED FOR HAVING A DISCUSSION IN A GROUP OF FOUR OR MORE PEOPLE ON THE STREET IN BRISBANE, WE HAD TO HAVE $5.00 ON US AT ALL TIMES AS PUNKS OR WE'D BE LOCKED UP FOR LOITERING . . . . YEAH, 'FUCK THE POLICE' REALLY MEANT SOMETHING BACK THEN . . . . ANYWAY, CHECK THIS BITCHIN STOP-MOTION, HOME MADE CLIP . . . . KILL YOUR HEROES BEFORE THEY DISAPPOINT YOU. 

NARROWNECK ON YET ANOTHER SHITTY DAY IN SURFERS PARASITE . . . . SQUIRTING AROUND ON THE PURPLE PENIS RUNNING INTO FRIENDS AND GETTING RUN OFF THE ROAD BY IDIOT FUCKING BUS DRIVERS . . . . SUPPORT LEE BENDER, VISIT 'ONESICKRACE BLOGSPOT' AND GET THE SURVIVAL STORY OF THE YEAR . . . . ONE OF THE FEW STRETCHES OF BEACH THAT HASN'T BEEN WASHED INTO THE OCEAN . . . . ONCE THE INDY CAR BEACH STRAIGHT . . . . DULL RACING HQ.

I don't know what it's like in other parts of the planet but here in many cities of Oz we have this law about giving way to omnibuses when they're re-entering the traffic flow from the side of the road. You're driving or riding along when suddenly six feet in front of you a great steel whale breaches from the kerb and barges back into the lane you happen to be occupying . . . . there's giving way and then there's abusing the entire fucking concept and in so doing putting any poor fucker in the way in real peril of getting seriously taken out by twelve tons of supersized Volvo people mover, nowhere to go with full traffic in the outside lane and the arse end of the Swedish land whale filling every inch of forward vision . . . . time to get jiggy with it folks, hit hard on the right 'bar, swerving left behind and around the good ship arseclown, up on the pegs like Mick bloody Andrews, which, unlike the old Bonnie's, isn't easy with forward controls and near double the weight, mount the kerb at an angle hoping there's no punters on hoof using the footpath, avoid the now looming Besser block wall and the bushes and pull the Penis Mobile to a halt . . . . thanks a bunch Mr Bus Driver, you fucking jerk !!!

 

MY DARLING TEENAGE TROUBLEHEAD AT HER BIRTHDAY LUNCH, DOING THE MANGO TANGO AND THE STRAWBERRY SWIRL . . . . FROCKTAILS, MOCKTAILS AND PERONI BEER BATTERED 'STUFF' . . . . YEP, SHE'S SURE GROWING UP FAST BUT THIS PERFECT POSSUM WILL ALWAYS BE DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL . . . . WELCOME TO YOUR TEENS MY PRINCESS . . . . SIX MORE TO GO. XXX

THIS LITTLE CREATURE BECOMES A TEENAGER ON FRIDAY . . . . ALL THE OLD CLICHES ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN GROWING UP IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE ARE ABSOLUTELY DEAD RIGHT . . . . IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO I WAS HOLDING HER IN MY ARMS, FASCINATED AND AWESTRUCK AS SHE GUZZLED FROM HER BOTTLE . . . . SHE CONSTANTLY FORCES ME TO LOOK INWARDS AND ASSESS MYSELF AND MY FAILINGS AND SHORTCOMINGS . . . . I LOVE YOU LIZZIE.

I USED TO SING "TEMPTATION" BY NEW ORDER TO HER AS A LULLABY THROUGHOUT HER FIRST FOUR YEARS, THE LINES ABOUT BLUE EYES, GREEN EYES AND GREY EYES ALWAYS SEEMED AS THOUGH THEY'D BEEN WRITTEN ESPECIALLY FOR HER . . . . THEY STILL SHIFT COLOUR BETWEEN THE THREE, MERELY DEPENDING ON WHATEVER MAGICAL AND MYSTICAL COMBINATION OF HER COSMIC CONSCIOUSNESS AND THE WEATHER ARE CONSPIRING TOGETHER AT THE TIME . . . . HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOR FRIDAY MY DARLING, BEAUTIFUL, OCCASIONALLY WILFUL DAUGHTER . . . . I'VE NEVER MET ANYONE QUITE LIKE YOU BEFORE . . . . ALL OF MY LOVE FOREVER AND ALWAYS, DADDY.

HEAVILY PIXELATED 'SELFIE' . . . . ARTISTICALLY AND CREATIVELY TALENTED

THE LULLABY IN QUESTION . . . . SOMETHINGS ARE SIMPLY MEANT TO BE

SEVENTEEN WITH A BULLET AND TIPPED FOR THE TOP . . . . KNOWN THIS FINE YOUNG MAN SINCE HE WAS A WEEK OLD . . . . POSSESSED OF HIS PARENTS BEST QUALITIES, HIS TALENT FOR MUSIC, LIGHTING AND SOUND IS REMARKABLE . . . . HE JUST DID THE BYRON BLUES FESTIVAL AS ASSISTANT TO THE STAGE MANAGER, ON THE MAIN STAGE . . . . DRUM SKIN AND STICK CARE OF MR OSTERBERG, THAT'S RIGHT, PERSONALLY FROM IGGY . . . . PICKS FROM BEN HARPER ET AL.

THE BYRON BAY BLUES FEST IS ONE OF THE TOP THREE ROOTS MUSIC GIGS IN THE WORLD, FEATURING THE VERY BEST THE MUSIC WORLD HAS TO OFFER, TO WORK ON THE MAIN STAGE ALONGSIDE THE CREAM OF THE TECH CREW, MEETING MUSICAL LEGENDS LIKE IGGY, BEN HARPER AND MORE IS A HUGE FEATHER IN ANYONE'S CAP . . . . TO BE DOING IT WHEN YOU'RE STILL AT SCHOOL IS INCREDIBLE, NOT BECAUSE HE GOT LUCKY OR HIS DAD KNEW THE RIGHT PEOPLE, BUT BASED ONLY HIS CAPACITY TO DO THE JOB BY WORD OF MOUTH, MAKES IT EVEN MORE OF AN ACCOMPLISHMENT.

JACK HAS BEEN EXPOSED TO ALL THINGS MUSICAL, ARTISTIC, MECHANICAL AND CULTURAL HIS ENTIRE LIFE, NEVER FORCE FED, ALWAYS DOWN TO HIM, BRILLIANT PARENTING . . . . GENIUS BY OSMOSIS . . . . THE FUTURE IS UNWRITTEN, AND THAT'S WHEN REAL TALENT PENS THEIR OWN . . . . 'OH THE THINGS THAT YOU'LL DO' AS ONE DR THEODOR GEISEL ONCE WROTE, JACK, YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY BUDDY !!!

TUPAC "I GET AROUND" H.D . . . . MORE OF THAT PANTS DOWN, UNDIES UP, I BEEN DOIN TIME MAN, HIP HOP STUFF . . . . YET AGAIN MY CARE FACTOR FOR MASS CONSENSUS WITHIN THE HARDCORE INNER SANCTUM OF BIKER COOL COULDN'T BE LESS . . . . MR SHAKUR HAD THE GROOVE GOIN ON, HIS THANG WAS CHOCK FULL OF SOUL AND FEEL . . . . I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE GANGSTA ANGLE, THE TUNES WERE LEGIT QUALITY . . . . CHICKS LOVE THIS SHIT.

NEW ZEALAND - GOD LOVED THE KIWIS SO MUCH THAT HE GAVE THEM BOILING MUD . . . . NEVERMIND, IT'S AN ANCIENT AUSSIE VS KIWI JOKE, ALONG WITH ALL THE LINES ABOUT BOTHERING SHEEP, TURNING GOOD BIG BUSINESSES INTO CRAP SMALL ONES . . . . SERIOUSLY THOUGH, A GORGEOUS COUNTRY FULL OF GOOD FOLK, JUST LIKE ANYWHERE ELSE ON PLANET EARTH . . . . A TINY POPULATION THAT EXCELS ABOVE EXPECTATIONS IN SO MUCH IT DOES.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU'RE INTO, WINE, FOOD, CARS, BIKES, ADVENTURE SPORTS, FISHING, HIKING, MOUNTAIN CLIMBING, SKIING, SAILING, GEOLOGY . . . . THE LAND OF THE LONG WHITE CLOUD HAS IT ALL . . . . I'D DIG TO GO BACK THERE AND DO THE PLACE ON A BIKE ONE DAY, SUCH A BLOODY BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY . . . . ANY AUSSIES PUTTING SHIT ON IT DON'T HAVE A CLUE.

OH WHAT A FEELING . . . . WINE COUNTRY CARAVAN

IN FRONT OF THE CONVOY . . . . SOME GREAT GRAPE DIRT

GREAT SAUVIGNON BLANC . . . . BAD SAUV IS CAT'S PISS

 THE BABY DEERE . . . . SPECIALIST VINEYARD MOSHEEN

VINEYARD DUDE AND VINEYARD DOG

THE CREW AT BREAKFAST TIME . . . . CRISP AND CRYSTAL CLEAR

MARTINBOROUGH ACCOMODATION . . . . I CAN HEAR BANJOS

MORE SLEEPING SHACKS . . . . THE RURAL IDYLL KIWI STYLE

SUNDOWN ON THE HILLS . . . . SHEEP . . . . HELLO DARLING

HISTORIC NASCAR GOODNESS, CHECK THIS SHIT OUT IF YOU HAVE A HARD-ON FOR THE TOUGHEST STOCK CARS TO EVER RUN RINGS AROUND A TRACK . . . . FROM THE HEYDAY OF BIG BLOCKS, BIG BOYS AND BIG BALLS, THESE THINGS ARE TO THIS DAY MY TEE NUMERO UNO FORM OF FOUR WHEELED POWER TRIPPIN . . . . DOOR HANDLES, DRUM BRAKES AND DOUBLE TON SPEEDS BEFORE THE INTERVENTION OF DO-GOODERS AND GREENIES . . . . 'THE' SHIT !!!

CHEERS AND THANKS TO "FOURVIDEOS" FOR THE FOOTAGE STOLEN FROM POOTUBE

I'VE ALWAYS DUG THE WEIRD AND THE WONDERFUL FREAKS OF THE WORLD . . . . MAYBE BEING A REDHEAD DRAWS YOU TO IT MORE THAN OTHERS, BOWIE WAS THE FIRST CULTURAL ICON WHO MADE ME FEEL COMFORTABLE ABOUT BEING DIFFERENT . . . . RATHER THAN FEELING BUMMED I WASN'T THE SAME, THAT WAS IN PRIMARY SCHOOL ROUNDABOUT 1972 . . . . ALL OF A SUDDEN THE BARBS AND THE PAYOUTS DIDN'T MEAN SHIT, STICKS AND STONES, FUCK YEAH !!!

TAKEN FROM THE "NO, I'M NOT GAY AND SO WHAT IF I WAS" AND THE "THEY CALL ME MELLOW YELLOW" FILES.

I saw this beautiful freak on the long weekend at the cafe where I spotted the TX and it's owner, just sittin there doin his own little trip, not a care in the world, the purple/puce spats really got me, the bloke is a complete one-off individual and quietly proud. Immaculately turned out, exhibiting genuine poise and high camp cool, like a Flying Burrito/Lemmy version of Roxy Music circa 1972, he pleasantly let me take a couple of shots, and very kindly, without any self consciousness, spread his hands on the table as soon as he realised I wanted to photograph them . . . . I'm not at all concerned if you don't hold my view on this, but this is real cool showing genuine class, it's also bold as brass and brave as all get out, nothing to do with bikes, cars, skating, none of it, simply putting yourself way the fuck out there and not giving a rat's arse . . . . yeah, the dude was a legitimate gent for sure.

YESTERDAY, LATE AFTERNOON AT BURLEIGH POINT, SUMMER'S FADING LIKE SUFFERERS PALESTINE IN THE DISTANCE . . . . TIME TO START THINKING ABOUT THE UPCOMING PROJECT SHOVELLER BUILD . . . . FEELING KINDA NERVOUS ABOUT IT, I'VE NEVER CHOPPED ANY BIKE BEFORE . . . . BIGGEST CONCERN, NOT WHETHER IT WILL DISINTEGRATE ITSELF . . . . ONE THING ONLY . . . . WILL IT LOOK COOL WHEN IT'S DONE . . . . AESTHETICS ARE PARAMOUNT.

I CAN LIVE WITH MECHANICAL FAILURE AND THE INCONVENIENCE OF SOMETHING SHITTING ITSELF ON THE ROAD, I'VE OWNED OLD BIKES AND CARS ALL MY LIFE, BUT BEING STRANDED ROADSIDE BESIDE SOMETHING THAT LOOKS FUCKING UGLY IS A LIFELONG FEAR . . . . I GUESS I'M ONE OF THOSE GUYS WHO'D RATHER LOOK GOOD COMING SECOND THAN WIN LOOKING LIKE A TOTAL RETARD . . . . I DO WANT THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS, RELIABILITY AND AESTHETIC COOL, BUT THE THOUGHT OF NOT GETTING IT RIGHT VISUALLY IS A SCARY CONTEMPLATION . . . . ESPECIALLY WITH A HISTORY OF SO VOCALLY AND VEHEMENTLY TAKING THE PISS OUT OF BIKES THAT MISS THE BUS WHEN IT COMES TO STANCE, LINES AND COHESIVENESS OF VISION . . . . HAVING TO EAT SHIT ON HUMBLE PIE IS NOT SOMETHING I DO WELL . . . . ONLY TIME WILL TELL ON THIS ONE I GUESS.

YAMAHA 1974 TX 750 . . . . THE NON HAND GRENADE MODEL THAT IS . . . . ANYONE WHO'S EVER RIDDEN A 360 DEGREE CRANK PARALLEL TWIN WILL KNOW THE VIBRATIONS ARE PRETTY RAD, THE WORST I'VE EXPERIENCED BEING THE TRUMPY DAYTONA 500 . . . . WHEN YAMAHA ROLLED OUT THE TX 750 IN '72/'73, THEY THOUGHT THEY HAD THE BAD VIBES LICKED . . . . AS FATE WOULD HAVE IT, UNFORTUNATELY, THEY FUCKED UP . . . . SELF DESTRUCTION PAR EXCELLENCE.

Long story short, the handsome TX-750 quickly joined the ranks of automotive failures pretty quickly, along with the first two oil-in-frame Triumphs, it was a fucking disaster from the moment they went on sale, shame really because they were a bloody schmooth lookin jigger for the day, sadly though, the engineering and design team at Tuning Fork Central hadn't done their homework properly . . . . the new fangled anti vibration balancer set-up in the bottom end was shit on a stick hopeless, chains stretched, bearings and shells failed, cam lobes grauched dry up top, motors lunched themselves through oil starvation and overheating and much gnashing of teeth and dashing of brand image was the result, they got it together in time for the 1974 model by adding a monster sump and oil cooler among other mods to the balancer thingy, but the damage had been done, its reputation for catastrophic failure was established and it was dropped.

I noticed this old tart sitting opposite the place we get brekky from in Brunswick Heads this morning and went over and started drooling over just how unmolested it was, it might be different in the States and the U.K but over here in Aussie, they are like rocking horse doo-doo, you just don't see em around anymore . . . . got chatting to the owner, it was a '74 version and he'd ridden it the 700 miles from Sydney to the Byron Blues Festival and it hadn't missed a proverbial beat, he's getting the motor rebuilt soon and has another one ready to get back on the road . . . . I hadn't clapped eyes on one for at least twenty years and was totally stoked to see one in original shape getting some real miles under its wheels, I've still got the Two Wheels mags from the day when they were released, as a young bike nutter I thought they were utterly gorgeous . . . . nothing's changed . . . . and sadly, neither has history.