HOW EXCITING COULD IT BE, A VISIT TO THE LOCAL 'DEALERSHIP UBERMARKET' . . . . SEEMS TO GET MORE BLINGED OUT, MERCHED OUT AND HYPED OUT BY THE YEAR . . . . AN ENTIRE WORLD OF SHIT, ALL MARKED WITH THE BAR+SHIELD . . . . SIR, DO YOU WANT JOCKS WITH THAT BIKE?

Dropped in to see my good buddy today, the most knowledgeable Harley parts specialist in the country without a shadow of a doubt, he's buying another classic, a '75 FXE, five grand from the States, great score, checked out the 2014 sickles as well . . . . the only big twin I'd ever own from new is still the Super Glide, gave a demo model a thrash around the block, definitely the one that is meant to be ridden . . . . here's a couple of quick shots of two things that caught my eye . . . . the purple metalflake on the 'Seventy Two' skirtster is amazing quality, the photo doesn't do it the justice it deserves for a stock tank, as I was mentioning the other day to someone standing within earshot, Harley have gone from having the worst factory paint in the industry to the best, bar none . . . . the 'Tri Glide' was actually a pretty cool bit of fluff, never really paid any attention to a trike before in my life other than the odd servi-car and a custom or three, but if you're down to one leg or suffering from some form of handicap it'd be perfect, it ain't Ed Roth but, hey, nothing is.

PROOF POSITIVE THAT MODERN BIKES CAN BE COOL AS FUCK . . . . JUST LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE I RESPECT IN THE BLOGOSPHERE I LOVE BIKES, ANY KIND . . . . PROVIDING, OF COURSE, THEY LOOK COOL AND DELIVER THE GOODS . . . . THIS IS MODERN, MAGNIFICENT AND MENACING !!!

ROMANCE, BROMANCE, SLOW DANCE, BROKE DANCE, NO CHANCE . . . . BREAKDOWN DEAD AHEAD . . . . I DON'T THINK SO . . . . NOT WITH THIS KINDA CAPER.

Modern bikes can be cool, I mean ice cold, I'm brash enough to say that even the Purple Penis may fit the bill in it's own little niche, taking a stock bike and modifying it both aesthetically and functionally . . . . in the hands of those who 'get' the concept of restraint and purposeful minimalism, [Timmy Loveless], they can not only look the goods but, moreover, out perform classic and vintage machinery pants down with monotonous, bulletproof regularity.

The dude who put this definitively low key loco together is none other than Trevelen Rabanal of Super Co, one of few, in this author's opinion at least, legit, credible builders from the Biker Build Off series . . . . not only can he produce immaculate, Chicano influenced traditional chops, he can demonstrably turn out some stunning contemporary gear as well, the FXR in these shots amply proves the point . . . . killer shots by the Sinfully talented Nelson Kanno.

I'M ALL LOST IN A SERVICE STATION, I CAN NO LONGER SHOP HAPPILY . . . . ME PLAYING THE HUNCHBACK WITH THE GUYS IN MY FIRST BAND CIRCA '84 . . . . ON THE ROAD SOMEWHERE, WE PUT 100,000 KLMS ON THE TARAGO IN IT'S FIRST YEAR . . . . PLAYING 5 TO 7 NIGHTS A WEEK.

CAME ACROSS THIS JIGGER YESTERDAY ARVO . . . . THIS TYPE OF THING ALWAYS LEAVES ME SCRATCHING MY HEAD . . . . I MEAN, WHAT THE FUCK, THE TOP OF THE SPRINGER WAS MY SHOULDER HEIGHT, AND I'M 6'1" . . . . I GUESS STUPID'S ALWAYS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.

I don't even think this behemoth is suited to straight line travel, the springer didn't work at all and it flexed like rubber, steering head bearings were so loose it changed the rake upon braking, I could walk bent over between the forks and the downtube and could barely reach the 'bars, and I've got arms like a fucking gibbon . . . . I just don't get it and never have, even allowing for 'taste' being a subjective experience, I reckon the last dozen years of OCC and Biker Blurt Off have got a lot to answer for, either that or I just flat don't comprehend the 'new school of cool' . . . . nah, it ain't that.

LUKE, I AM YOUR FATHER . . . . DARTH MONO, NICE SET OF PIPES . . . . FLAME ON DADDY-O !!

OKAY, ENOUGH RANTING AND BACK TO SOME TWO WHEELED TITILLATION . . . . AS I JOYFULLY LOOK FORWARD WITH GREAT ANTICIPATION TO THE MORNING . . . . WHEN THE SHOVELHEAD FINALLY MAKES IT WAY FROM THE GARAGE TO THE CONSTRUCTION SITE AT ROSCOE'S !!!

I'm neither lucky nor rich enough to own a knuckle but the general style of this Robert Jobber, owned by the insanely talented Kiyo, not including the springer front end, is still a direction I may consider, clean, cool and purposeful, and I love the mini screen . . . . no need to panic on the decision front just yet, the hardtail has to be nailed on first, all things to those who wait, the only component of my life where I do have patience. Night all.

"DENHAM PSYCHO" - EXPLICIT REMAKE . . . . THIS CRACKING PARODY SAYS IT ALL FOR ME REGARDING A SCENE I DETEST . . . . THE INNER SANCTUM DENIM WANKER HIPSTER BEARDO INKSTER SET, THE SAMURAI OF SUPERFICIALDOM . . . . THERE ARE COOL GUYS OUT THERE WHO ARE 'INFLUENCED' BY CLASSIC BIKER DRESS . . . . THEN THERE IS THIS CONTRIVED BULLSHIT !!!

FILE THIS UNDER "IT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH HAVING A BEARD . . . .  BUT IF THIS BEARD FITS, WEAR IT."

I guess I'm just a hateful cunt deep down, when it comes to blokes who spend the amount of time staring at themselves in a mirror that must be necessary to cultivate the image portrayed in this glorious pisstake, you are doomed to be seriously fucking shallow for eternity in my not so humble estimations . . . . handing over eight hundred bucks for Japanese selvedge quality, 'worn in' denim doesn't make you cool, it makes you no better than the other yuppie, HOG member cocksmokers you put shit on, getting all the 'hardcore' neck ink just below your lumberjack density beard doesn't make you legit, you simply become a legit wanker . . . . even riding the way cool chopper/bobber/flobber won't get you any respect in my bitter, twisted, fucked up heart, it's a put on, a phony, a fake, it's a sleight of hand, you're not real, you're not cool and I don't have to take you and your clever pretender buddies seriously for one minute . . . . like I already mentioned, there's dudes out there who have been doing this all their adult life, or those who came to it honestly and openly and have organically and without pretension grown into a beard and ink, they deserve and get my respect, you on the other hand, get nothing more than my shittiest derision and most scornful contempt . . . . so go and drink your fucking civet dung infused coffee then piss off like a good little boy, you pathetic poser fuckwit.

I'VE GOT NO SCRUPLES, I'M MORALLY CORRUPT AND DEVOID OF INTEGRITY . . . . I'VE GONE AND JOINED THE INSTASHAM SHINDIG BUT CAN'T FIGURE THE FUCKER OUT . . . . IT DID HOWEVER YIELD THIS TWIST OF THE PREVIOUS IMAGE . . . . MOTHER NATURE BLOWS MY TITS OFF !!!

THERE EXISTS A MALAISE OF EPIC AND UGLY PROPORTIONS IN OZ CURRENTLY . . . . VIOLENCE PERPETRATED BY STEROID ENHANCED METH HEADS . . . . KING HITTING THEIR FUCKTARD WAY THROUGH THE GENERAL POPULATION LIKE A DOSE OF THE POX . . . . SHIT BE FUCKED UP.

MERCIFULLY, MY GREATER PEER GROUP, WHETHER BIKERS, SURFERS OR WEIRDOS, IS UNAFFECTED BY THIS VIRULENT AND HIDEOUS DISEASE . . . . STOP THE VIOLENCE OZ, PUNCHING ON IS FOR THUGS.

Had me a great afternoon on this Straya Day 2014 . . . . ventured over to the Lair of the Lance and caught up with some of best folk I have had the pleasure of knowing over the last thirty plus years, nobody's changed . . . . you all know who you are, always got the big love comin at you guys and girls, staunch and true, one and all . . . . then I went for what was going to be a quick blast on the Penismobile, but you know how these things can get subverted at the drop of a hat . . . . three and half hours later, I'm home and happier than a pig in shit . . . . Straya, come on over, we're not all punching on.

"STRAYA DAY" . . . . THIS IS AUSTRALIA'S EQUIVALENT OF JULY 4th, THE CELEBRATION OF A NATION SO CALLED . . . . JUST A FUCKING SHAME IT'S BEING OVERTAKEN BY OUR OWN VERSION OF SOUTHERN FRIED REDNECK RACISM . . . . NOT TO MENTION THE EXCLUSION OF 60,000 YEARS OF ABORIGINAL HABITATION AND CULTURE . . . . I'M A PROUD AUSSIE, JUST NOT BLIND.

LISTEN TO THE LYRICS IN 'THE POWER AND THE PASSION' . . . . EVEN MORE PRESCIENT NOW THAN THIRTY YEARS AGO . . . . PROGRESS IS HIGHLY OVER-RATED . . . .  DEVOLUTION IS A TRAGIC REALITY

FULL KOOK, FULL NELSON, FULL RACE, FULL QUID, FULL RETARD, FULL SERVICE, FULL BORE.

I TOLD YOU I HAVE AN ENORMOUS MELON . . . . NOT A CHANCE IN HELL MY HEAD'S GOIN' IN THERE.

FULL AS A GOOG, FULL FACE, FULL THROTTLE, FULL ON, FULL HOUSE, FULL TILT, FULL TIME, FULL MOON, FULL LOAD, FULL NOISE, FULL WHACK, FULL FORCE, FULL SCENE, FULL STOP.

I'M OFF LIKE A BUCKET OF PRAWNS IN THE SUN, A NIGHT OF R+R AT THE HILLBILLY HIGH HOUSE . . . . DAVID THORNE, ADVENTURES IN ADVERTISING . . . . KOTEX, BABY, GET FREE !!!

BIKES, BOOZE, BABES AND BLOOD-LOSS . . . . TAKING THE PISS OUT OF THE WAY BIG CORPORATIONS GET THE WORD OUT . . . . SMARMY FUCKERS LIKE CHARLES SAATCHI . . . . THEIR SO IN TOUCH.

IF MY FXE WAS LIKE THIS, I WOULDN'T TOUCH A THING ON IT . . . . UNFORTUNATELY IT'S NOT, IT'S GOT A FAT GLIDE FRONT END AND A HIDEOUS CHROME SWINGARM . . . . STUPID PULLBACK BARS, FAT BLOBS, SHITTY FORWARD CONTROLS . . . . AND A BUNCH OF OTHER DEFORMITIES.

THIS WAY GROOVY, NEARLY STOCK STANDARD SUPER GLIDE ILLUSTRATES WHY, AS A KID IN 1972, I FELL IN LOVE WITH THEM . . . . GOTS TO GIVE WILLIE G HIS DUE, KILLER STYLE.

"CALIFORNIA DESIGN 1930 - 1965 : LIVING IN A MODERN WAY" . . . . FOLLOWING ON FROM THE 'GOMA' FIELD TRIP OF THE WEEKEND . . . . LIZZIE AND I HEADED BACK TO BRIS VEGAS TO GET US SOME MORE CULCHA . . . . PRETTY FREAKIN AMAZING TOO, SHIT THAT CHANGED OUR WORLD.