BAUHAUS "TELEGRAM SAM" . . . . ALWAYS LOVED THE WAY THEY KEPT THE GUITARS QUITE IN THE SAME TONE AS BOLAN'S ORIGINAL . . . . RESPECT, THAT'S ALL IT'S ABOUT, REINTERPRETING SOMETHING, TWEEKING IT WITH REVERENCE . . . . BAUHAUS, POST PUNK MUSICAL MINIMALISM

THESE GO TO ELEVEN . . . . HOW MUCH MORE BLACK COULD IT BE, THE ANSWER IS NONE, NONE MORE BLACK . . . . THEY ARE TREADING WATER IN A SEA OF RETARDED SEXUALITY AND BAD POETRY . . . . ARTIE FUFKIN, POLYMER RECORDS MIDWEST PROMOTION . . . . THIS IS SPINAL TAP.

A MAN AND HIS MOTORSICKLE . . . . DANIEL SIMPSON DAY . . . . WHEREABOUTS UNKNOWN.

FILE UNDER "SPORTSTERS GO TO THE MOVIES"

A FULLY RANDOM, UNCONNECTED POST BORNE OF A DISCUSSION I HAD WITH A BLOKE ABOUT GREAT PLANES OF WWII . . . . THE TEMPEST WAS A SERIOUSLY FLAWED DESIGN, LARGE BITS, LIKE THE ENTIRE TAILPLANE, FELL OFF UNDER BIG G'S . . . . ENTER THE UPGRADED, UPRATED 'TYPHOON' . . . . ONE TOUGH, FAST, DEVASTATING AEROPLANE, JUST ASK THE GERMANS.

"NICE DREAMS GOING UP IN SMOKE, THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MARIN AND CHONG", PASS THE ROACH . . . . ALWAYS BE COURTEOUS TO YOUR FELLOW ROAD USERS . . . . PROPAGATE GOOD KARMA AND DO THE RIGHT THING . . . . SGT STADANKO IS ALWAYS WATCHING.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, OUT OF NOWHERE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT, INSPIRATION . . . . THROWS YOU OFF KILTER, SUCH IS THE MAGNITUDE OF THE FLASH . . . . BRAINSTORMING WHEN YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING, FUCKING AWESOME . . . . DIRECTIONS ARE CHANGING, IDEAS SOLIDIFYING

FROM THE "I LOVE IT WHEN A PLAN COMES TOGETHER" . . . . OR THE "IT REALLY HAD TO BE FROM JAPAN" FILES . . . .

This super tuff rigid pan lane splitter/bobber is the epitome of my vision of what a well loved and properly used vintage bike should look like . . . not the style specifically, even though it's fully fucking on it, I'm talking about the nature of the bike, the wabi sabi-ness of it all . . . the build up of oil, grease and road grime around welds, nuts, bolts, washers, the pans, rims, so far beyond the well worn term 'patina', it's the very definition of the hotrod ride . . . now that the hardtail is here, and will turn the shovel frame into pretty much the same configuration as pictured here, it's time to get totally focused on the Project Shoveller's final form.

Shot stolen from Anibal Martinez on the Antique Motorcycle Club of America's Facebook page.

SO STOKED, HAIFLEY HEAVY METAL HITS THE HOUSE . . . . JUST A TASTE MY HOMBRES, GOTTA SPLIT BUT WILL DO THE UNVEIL UPON MY RETURN . . . . AND YOU THOUGHT I WAS MAKING IT UP AS I WENT ALONG . . . . LET THE CHOPPER MADNESS ENSUE, PROJECT SHOVELLER BEGINS !!

I'M NO BUILDER OR FABRICATOR . . . . I JUST TAKE MY TIME, SAVE BUGS AND SELECT THE RIGHT SHIT

APPARENTLY MY CUSTOM SIDE-DRAUGHT PIPE IS NOT WITHIN THE STIPULATED DEPT OF TRANSPORT DECIBEL LIMIT . . . . JINXED MYSELF BY BRINGING IT UP IN CONVERSATION ONLY TEN MINUTES BEFORE I SAILED PAST AN UNMARKED COP CAR AT THE LIGHTS . . . . SARGE DIDN'T LIKE IT, NOT ONE BIT . . . . COULDA BEEN WORSE, NO DEFECT NOTICE, JUST 'GET IT FIXED !!'

AFTER THE INITIAL EXCHANGE OF PLEASANTRIES AND LICENSE DETAILS COP CHAP HAS A DECENT PERVE AROUND THE PENIS MOBILE, THEN ASKS ME TO FIRE IT UP, I WAS MY ENTIRELY OBLIGING SELF, EVEN MENTIONING HE SHOULD ENJOY THE CRISP EXHAUST NOTE, HE LISTENS INTENTLY, DROPS TO ONE KNEE AND LOOKS BENEATH THE FRONT MUFFLER, MOTIONS FOR ME TO CUT THE MOTOR AND THEN POPS THE 'GET IT FIXED' COMMENT, POINTING TO THE UNDERSIDE OF THE PIPE . . . . NOT PRECISELY SURE WHAT SARGENT PLOD MEANT BY THAT ONE, SLAP SOME MUFFLER TAPE ON IT, WELD ON A BIT OF THE APPROPRIATE GAUGE TIN OR GET MYSELF A BRAND NEW MUFFLER, HE WAS KINDA VAGUE GIVEN THE COMPLETE ABSENCE OF ANY D.B METER . . . . I GOT THE DISTINCT IMPRESSION HE THOUGHT MY LAW BREAKING POTENTIAL WASN'T REALLY ALL THAT SIGNIFICANT, I FELT ALMOST OFFENDED. I'LL GIVE IT ALL SOME SERIOUS THOUGHT AND GET BACK TO THEM IN THE FULLNESS OF TIME AND WE'LL ALL BE JUST DANDY, THANKS SARGE, GOOD JOB !!!

WAS IN THE THRONE ROOM PITCHING A LOAF AND BROWSING THROUGH SOME OF THE LAST YEAR'S PILE OF SICKLE LITERATURE . . . . CAME ACROSS THIS FEATURE ON THOMAS TORJESEN'S '59 PANHEAD/SHOVEL IN 'GKM' . . . . YET ANOTHER SUPERB SCOOT THAT DOES IT ALL FOR ME.

Mark Kawakami's impeccable photos only serve to accentuate further the gorgeous lines and stance of this seriously splendid interpretation of the bobber theme, as Guy mentioned in the accompanying article, it isn't specifically paradigm shifting in its essence, however, the deliberation and execution involved in this classic hybrid motored big twin, lift it well above so many others. One detail that really blows me out are the integration of the anchor system, undeniably effective and almost invisible at the front end . . . . dunno about you, but I love the notion of stopping when you need to.

We're often reading about 'stance' and 'balance', and obviously these vary substantially with type of bike involved, but these qualities are elusive with no hard and fast map to follow, attaining what the observer and the casual onlooker will almost instantly perceive as 'perfection' is ultimately down to the individual genius in the eye of the builder . . . . Thomas Torjesen was clearly seeing the end result in crystal clarity when he was bolting this critter together, an astoundingly considered custom bike.

"YOU'VE GOT A DIRTY, WHORISH MOUTH, IS WHAT YOU HAVE . . . . I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE OVARY, THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING TO DO . . . . STRAIGHT SHOT . . . . RIGHT TO THE BABYMAKER" . . . . NOT EVERYONE'S CUP OF CHAR, SURE AS SHIT CRACKS ME UP, BRING ON #2

LAST NIGHT ON THE OVER-INDULGENCE TRAIL AT 'FAT BELLY KAF' . . . . EXCEPTIONAL COMPANY, EXQUISITE NOSH AND EXTRAORDINARY VINO . . . . TOO MUCH OF EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS NEVER ENOUGH . . . . SUNDAY NIGHT IN SMALL TOWN AUSTRALIA, GOOD STUFF.

THE LEEDLE SENORITA AND I KICKING BACK AND RELAXING . . . . PERFECT.

WORKING AT THE CARWASH . . . . AND THE BOSS DON'T MIND SOMETIMES IF YOU ACT THE FOOL . . . . GAVE THE PURPLE PENIS A THOROUGH TUBBING THIS MORNING, SHE WAS A GRUBBY OLD TART . . . . JUST IN TIME FOR THE STORMS TO COME IN FROM THE WEST . . . . NO MATTER, CLEANED UP, PARKED UP, COVERED UP AND IT'S GIDDY UP TO THE MULLUM BLUES FESTIVAL.

YEP, IT'S NO CUSTOM BUT IN THE WORDS OF THE FAB FOUR . . . . IT'S NOW A CLEAN MOSHEEN

CAFE RACERS, CAFE SOCIETY, IN TUNE . . . . WHAT'S MY SCENE, WHAT'S YOUR SEEN ??

BRITISH INDIA "BLACK AND WHITE RADIO" . . . . WHILE CHECKING OUT THE SHORT PROMO VID FOR THE MONGRELS YESTERDAY I WAS REMINDED OF THIS LITTLE BALL-TEARER FROM BRITISH INDIA . . . . DAMN, TIME FLIES IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE YOU'RE LIVING LIFE . . . . SEEMS LIKE ONLY LAST MONTH THAT THESE GUYS WERE CRANKING THIS OUT AS A NEW RELEASE !!!

One line in the lyrics has always stood out for me, maybe because I see people who do this kind of thing so frequently, maybe it's my aversion to scene stealers and hangers-on, maybe it's down to my home town being full to it's bolt-on boobs with the kind of bum sniffing brigade who go to any length to be seen at the 'right' gigs, the swingingest nightclubs and the ritziest restaurants, maybe it's that I'm just a cynical, bitter old bastard . . . . whatever it is, I love this following line, "you made friends with ugly people, so you stand out in a crowd" . . . . I guess that this is how you roll when a shallow, contrived existence is the only thing in life you really aspire to.

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER NIGHT, ANOTHER WINE DINNER, ANOTHER HANGOVER . . . . THE SEQUENCE OF EVENTS ON THE TRAIL TO SELF DESTRUCTION . . . . AS A GREAT AUSSIE BAND ONCE SUNG, 'THE NIPS ARE GETTING BIGGER' . . . . GETTING OLDER, GETTING DRUNK.

PRE DINNER DRINKS ON MY PAT MALONE . . . . DRY ROSE, PERFECT SUMMER BOOZE

 THE CAMPARI AND SODA . . . . DOING IT ITALIAN STYLE

 COFFEE BEAN INFUSED PATRON . . . . FINALLY A TEQUILA THAT DOESN'T TASTE LIKE PISS

 DESOLATION BOULEVARD . . . . ALWAYS THE LAST TO LEAVE

 STRANGE APPARITION ON THE CAB RIDE HOME . . . . GHOST ON THE MEDIAN STRIP, WTF

I LOVE IT WHEN THE POSTIE TURNS UP BEARING GIFTS FROM FAR FLUNG SHORES . . . . A WHOLE MESS OF BITCHIN STICKIES FROM DAN YODER OF MADISON, WISCONSIN'S "KILLIN-IT" KREW, INCLUDING THE NON LEGENDARY 'WHITELINEPSYCHO SAID' . . . . THANKS SO MUCH MAN, 'DOS PISTON ROJO' WILL BE REPRESENTED DOWN HERE IN OZ WITH PRIDE AND GRATITUDE !!!

DAN IS ONE HELL OF A TALENTED, TRADITIONAL SIGNWRITER WHEN NOT INDULGING IN THE SHENANIGANS THAT HE AND HIS CRONIES GET UP TO, AND WHEN I SAY 'TRADITIONAL', I MEAN SIGNS DONE BY HAND, WITH PENCILS AND BRUSHES AND PAINT, NOT THE MODERN, BLAND, COMPUTER GENERATED, PEEL OFF, STICK EM UP, NO SOUL, NO FEELING TYPE, QUALITY THAT STANDS THE TEST OF TIME, IF YOU'RE IN DAN'S PART OF THE WORLD AND NEED SOME GENUINE TOP LEVEL SIGNWRITING DONE, YOU CAN GO AND CHECK HIM OUT AT http://www.signartmadison.com/ AND IF YOU WANT TO CHECK OUT DAN AND THE REST OF THE DOWN, DIRTY AND DANGEROUS 'DOS PISTON ROJO' CREW GO IMMEDIATELY TO http://killin-it.blogspot.com.au/ AND TREAT YOURSELF TO GOOD BLOKES DOING GOOD SHIT WITH BIKES, FILMS, ARTWORK, FUCKING ABOUT IN THE SNOW AND GENERALLY DOING THE STUFF WE ALL DIG . . . . CHEERS MR YODER, TOTALLY STOKED, LOVE YOUR WORK BUDDY !!

"A RAGE AGAINST BOREDOM" : 1970's AUSSIE BIKER CLUB, THE MONGRELS, RELIVE THE GLORY DAYS" . . . . THIS IS THE REAL DEAL FOLKS, TAKEN FROM AN UPCOMING DOCO ON THE 'ABC' SCREENING THIS FRIDAY NIGHT . . . . A BUNCH OF BLOKES FROM SMALL TOWN OZ AND THEIR EXPLOITS ON THE NEW WAVE OF JAPPY BIG BIKES DURING THE MID 70's . . . . A MUST SEE VID.

"While an outlaw motorcycle gang with a similar name is grabbing headlines around the nation, a long defunct 1970s bikie club called the Mongrels is reliving the glory days of fast living on the back of a bike."

This is definitely some superb stuff, some of the best I've ever seen in fact, awesome footage, Z900's, 750 Fours, no fakes, no frauds, no fucking phonies, exactly as it transpired, told by the blokes who were cutting loose at the time, frankly awe inspiring and enlightening, a couple of quotes that really resonate with me were 'it was a rage against boredom and mediocrity' and this little gem that encapsulates the entire biker lifestyle since day dot, 'it was fun, mateship, alcohol, bike riding and good times', to me that says it all, this is what it should be about, and, as is stated in the film, not setting out to look exactly the same as the next guy, individuality. 

The deliberate, ugly, bullshit, macho menace element wasn't part of their trip, sure, there were blues and biffs and carry on but it wasn't the primary motivation, it's today's focus on the aggression and the mean and scary antics that piss me off to the max, just ride your fucking bike and have fun. It was all based around riding, not choppers, not one brand, just riding and having fun, simple as can be. Like all of us they all grew up, yet they obviously haven't changed that much, and they're all still riding. If you wanna aspire to some valid depiction of what even the HA were about when they started, check this shit out, then go out and get real.

CREEDENCE CLEARWAYER REVIVAL "SWEET HITCH HIKER" . . . . REMEMBER, WHEREVER YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE . . . . WE'RE NOT HITCH-HIKING ANYMORE . . . . WE'RE RIIIIIDING !!!

I NEVER CONTEMPLATED THE FUTURE WHEN I BELATEDLY ENTERED BLOGDOM TWO YEARS BACK . . . . THERE'S BEEN SOME WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE SINCE THEN . . . . JUST TOOK A GLANCE AT THE VIEWOMETER GAUGE AND THERE IT IS, TELLING ME THAT 100,174 BODS HAVE HAD A PERVE AT MY LITTLE BLOG . . . . I'M STILL PRETTY MUCH IN A STATE OF SHOCK.

I HAD NO IDEA WHERE THIS CAPER WAS GOING TO GO, HOW LONG IT WOULD LAST AND WHETHER ANYONE WOULD GIVE A FLYING FART, TWO YEARS IS A DROP IN THE INTERWEB OCEAN IN COMPARISON TO MANY OF THOSE WHOSE TRIP I'VE BEEN ADMIRING AND CHECKING IN ON, FOR YEARS IN SOME CASES, BEFORE I OVERCAME MY FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN, SIGNED UP, SOULED OUT AND JUMPED ON THE BANDWAGON LIKE A HIPSTER LEMMING . . . . SIMILARLY, I GUESS 100,000 PAGEVIEWS IS EQUALLY INSIGNIFICANT BY COMPARISON, I REALLY DON'T HAVE A CLUE, BECAUSE IT HAS NEVER BEEN ABOUT NUMBERS OR THE 'HEY, MINE'S BIGGER THAN YOURS'  BULLSHIT, THIS WHOLE SHEBANG HAS ONLY EVER BEEN ABOUT SHARING MY THOUGHTS AND MY OFTEN TIMES EGOTISTICAL OPINIONS AS HONESTLY AND AS OPENLY AS POSSIBLE WITH ANYONE WHO CARES TO TAKE NOTICE. NOTHING MORE AND NOTHING LESS . . . . AND THAT IS HOW THINGS WILL REMAIN, I'M ME, NOT SOMEONE ELSE, SO I'LL SIMPLY CONTINUE ON DOING WHAT I DO AND HOPE THAT WHOEVER CHOOSES TO HAVE A LOOK WILL TAKE SOME SMALL INSIGHT OR FEELING FROM IT THAT THEY DIDN'T HAVE WHEN THEY ARRIVED.

A HEARTFELT AND SINCERE WORD TO THE 'CREW' I HAVE LABELLED AS THE DISCERNING PSYCHOTICS GUILD IN MY SIDEBAR . . . . FROM THE MOST RECENT TO THE LONGEST STANDING, I APPRECIATE MORE THAN WANKING ON HERE COULD EVER REALLY REVEAL, YOUR STUMBLING ALONG WITH ME, YOUR TOLERATING MY IDIOT BOY RANTS, MY OUTTA WACK PREACHING AND MY FREQUENT DRIBBLING ON AND FUCKING ON . . . . SIMPLY PUT, I'M STOKED. YOU HAVE BECOME FRIENDS AND A FEW HAVE GONE BEYOND THAT AND HAVE FOUND A VERY SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART, AND ONE BLOKE HAS WORMED HIS WAY INTO MY WORLD LIKE A BROTHER FROM A DIFFERENT MOTHER. YOU ALL HAVE MY DEEPEST GRATITUDE AND RESPECT. 

HAD TO SHARE THIS WITH Y'ALL . . . . SPOTTED IT ON THE 'ANTIQUE MOTORCYCLE CLUB OF AMERICA' ARSEBOOK PAGE THE OTHER DAY AND CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HAYED . . . . IT'S A PROTOTYPICAL BOBBY FLOBBER FROM GO TO SEE YA LATER . . . . ALL WHITE'S ALL RIGHT !!!

Yep, it's got me by the short and curlies, absolutely love the satin finish on the alloy bits, air filter cover, the finned cam cover and the same with the finish on the pans. Totally diggin the pipe selection also, I know there's a correct Harley term to describe the style but I don't know it, and the clean as a whistle 'bars are yet more reasons why I reckon it's the boobies. If I was being super bitchy I'd suggest that the fork legs would suit the satin approach as well just to tie it all in, however, I suspect that the beast may not be completely finished at this point, either way, as far as rockin Roberts go, it's a cracking example of classic inspiration and contemporary twists. Knights in white and satin, oh yeah !!

HEROES OF THE WASTELAND . . . . MAX ROCKATANSKY AND 'DOG' . . . . I'M JUST HERE FOR THE GASOLINE.

HEROES OF LA REVOLUCION . . . . FIELDING MELLISH . . . . POWER TO THE PEOPLE, VIVA BANANAS.

HEROES OF THE COLD WAR . . . . DR STRANGELOVE . . . . EMBRACING SCIENCE AND THE LOVE OF MANKIND.

HEROES OF THE COLD WAR . . . . GENERAL BUCK TURGIDSON . . . . THE THINKING MAN'S WARRIOR.

THE CURE "JUMPING SOMEONE ELSE'S TRAIN" . . . . WHAT A BAND THEY WERE THROUGHOUT THEIR FIRST THREE ALBUMS . . . . LIKE NOTHING OR NOBODY ELSE, DARK, EDGY, INTENSE AND DESPERATELY DRIVING AT SOMETHING ONLY SMITH COULD SEE . . . . THE BEGINNINGS OF GOTH BEFORE GOTH HAD A NAME . . . . BLEAK URBAN SOUNDSCAPES FOR THATCHER'S BRITAIN.

CULLING MY READING LIST, GONNA BURN SOME DEAD WOOD, LOSE SOME DEAD-WEIGHT AND GET AWAY FROM THE DEAD ZONES . . . . TO THOSE OH SO SIGNIFICANT SITES I'LL NO LONGER BE CHECKING OUT . . . . ADIOS MOTHERFUCKERS, IT'S BEEN UNINSPIRING TO SAY THE MOST.

WHAT ARE MY REASONS I HEAR NOBODY ASK, SIMPLE I SAY, SUPERIORITY AND GOD COMPLEXES STICK IN MY CRAW, THOSE WHO SAY ONE THING AND DO THE OTHER GET SO FAR UP MY SNOUT I CAN FEEL THEIR VANS BANGIN ON MY CHIN, REPOSTING THE SAME TIRED, REGURGITATED PHOTOS OVER AND OVER AGAIN WITH NO ORIGINAL INSIGHT TO OFFER ALONGSIDE THEM BORES THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME, PLAYING THE MYSTERIOUS, ELUSIVE HARDCORE DOESN'T IMPRESS ME EITHER . . . . YOU'RE NOT AN ORIGINAL, YOU'RE NOT AN INNOVATOR, YOU'RE NOT COOL, YOU AIN'T HARDCORE AND YOU SURE AS HELL AREN'T WORTH WASTING ANYMORE OF MY TIME WITH. 

HAVE YOURSELF ONE OF THESE ON ME . . . . A DELIGHTFUL, FRESH, EXCITING, ADIOS MOTHERFUCKER !!

VIOLENT SOHO "COVERED IN CHROME" . . . . A BUNCH OF YOUNG DUDES FROM JUST UP THE HIGHWAY FROM ME IN BRIS VEGAS . . . . THERE WILL ALWAYS BE YOUNG BANDS COMING UP TO KEEP THE SHIT AND THE DROSS RELATIVELY IN CHECK AND AT BAY . . . . BANGIN IN THE BURBS.

TAPPING INTO THE WATERSHED ERA OF WHAT WAS CALLED 'GRUNGE' WITH STRAINS OF SONIC YOUTH, D JUNIOR AND MUDHONEY FLESHING OUT THEIR PALETTE . . . . TUNE IN, TURN UP AND ROCK OUT !!!

NOTHING OUTRAGEOUSLY NEW OR GROUNDBREAKING GOING ON HERE FOLKS . . . . JUST A WHOLE MESS OF PERFECTION IN STYLE, EXECUTION AND ATTENTION TO DETAIL, THAT'S ALL.

SAW THIS ON THE 'ANTIQUE MOTORCYCLE CLUB OF AMERICA' FACEBOOK PAGE THIS MORNING AND COULDN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF THE THING, THIS IS MY KIND OF BEWDIFUL IN A BIKE. THERE AIN'T ONE THING ON THIS SUPER STUNNING IRONHEAD THAT I'D MESS WITH, NOT ONE . . . . PERFECTION IN STYLING AND EXECUTION AT EVERY TURN, THE OBVIOUS TRACKER INFLUENCES, THE USE OF WHAT LOOKS TO BE A BRITISH HEADLAMP UNIT, A SET OF GENUINE MUFFLERS, THE FORK GAITERS OF EXACTLY THE RIGHT SIZE, THE STANCE AND THE INSANELY GORGEOUS PAINT SCHEME . . . . I'VE BEEN TOLD SO MANY TIMES OVER THE LAST DECADE THAT PURPLE IS A COLOUR THAT INDICATES SEXUAL FRUSTRATION AND AMBIGUITY . . . . LIKE I GIVE A FLYING FUCK, THAT'S WHY I KEEP POSTING THINGS TO GET UP THE NOSES OF THOSE WHO CAN'T ASSIMILATE THE NOTION OF HUMAN DIVERSITY, I'M NOT GAY OR QUEER, I JUST HAPPEN TO LOVE PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO FEAR IN BEING WHO THEY ARE . . . . THIS IS ONE OF THE PRETTIEST BIKES I'VE SEEN IN A LONG TIME, ENJOY, THAT'S IF YOU DON'T FEEL AWKWARD OR ALL FREAKED OUT OF COURSE.

EVER CONTEMPLATE WHAT YOU'D DO IF YOU FOUND YOURSELF ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND A PARAPLEGIC . . . . WELL DON'T GIVE IT ANOTHER THOUGHT . . . . I'VE GOT IT COVERED !!!

FILE THIS ONE UNDER "BUY ME A PONY" . . . .

If I ever get taken out on my bike, this is how I'll be getting around . . . absolutely fucking perfect, and more cool than a unicorn any day of the week . . . . giddy up sweetheart !!!

PIETA BROWN "MERCURY" . . . . STRAIGHT OUTTA IOWA, HEY NOOT, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CHICK DO HER THANG . . . . I'M GOING TO CHECK HER OUT NEXT WEEKEND AT THE MULLUMBIMBY MUSIC FESTIVAL, REAL HONEST STUFF . . . . AND SHE'S GORGEOUS, CAN'T BLOODY WAIT !!!

"SPLITT DECISION" BY THE ONE AND DEFINITELY ONLY, MR CLIFFORD HOAD . . . . 440 CUBIC INCHES OF MOPAR MUSCLE UP FRONT OF A T-BUCKET . . . . POWER TO WEIGHT RATIO WAS NEVER GOING TO BE A PROBLEM WITH THIS JIGGER . . . . SOME WICKED FOOTAGE FROM THE 'RED' SIDE OF THE SPLITTER, DIG THE HAND CRAFTED LESS THAN ROUND STEERING WHEEL !!!

I've blurbed this up on several occasions since Christmas last, this legit sixties show rod, a la Tommy Ivo, has been essentially put together by one bloke over nearly twenty years, one man's vision that never faltered and never failed, so many hand fabbed parts, so many obsessed over hand touches, so much that is unique to this bucket of beautiful . . . . and so much grunt up the front, the 440 came from his Road Runner that he wrote off back in '97 in the wet on the highway, gave her a stab on the long pedal and, surprise-surprise, the fucker broke traction between the blacktop and the old Poly-Glass radials, chucking it all sideways and upside-down into the median strip . . . . thank fuck Cliffy survived to tell the tale, the car was trashed but the tranny and donk were mercifully unscathed, from that moment on, he knew he had the motor-vation for Splitt Decision well and truly sorted.

THE STRYPES "MYSTERY MAN" . . . . HAVEN'T BEEN POSTING MUSIC LATELY AS POOTUBE HASN'T SEEMED TO LIKE ME, APPARENTLY WE'VE NOW RECONCILED . . . . YOUNG TEARAWAYS FROM THE EMERALD ISLE CAPTURING THE VERY ESSENCE OF R+R . . . . HARD-WIRED INTO THE PRIMORDIAL SOUP OF EARLY SIXTIES BEAT/R+B SPEEDSTERS . . . . GOING OFF LIKE A FROG IN A SOCK !!!

THREE YEARS AGO, PRIOR TO 'THE PURPLE PENIS' IT WAS 'THE ORANGE KNOB' . . . . THE SONS OF MUMFORD M.C .05%er ORIGINAL MEMBER, SCARIN UP THE PUBLIC . . . . I'M SUPER FIERCE !!!

DIDN'T MIND THE LOOK OF THE THING AT THIS POINT BUT KNEW WHERE I WAS GOING WITH IT, THE FORK LEGS AND FORK BRACE WOULD LOSE THE BLACK, THE RIMS WERE TO BE REPLACED WITH CHROME FOR LACK OF AVAILABLE ALLOYS, SHITTY CHROME SPOKES MADE WAY FOR S/S, THE SPEED MERCHANT DERBY COVER WAS ON IT'S WAY, REAR SHOCKS WERE ALREADY NEARLY FUCKED AND READY TO SCRAP AND FIT THE FULL COVER PROGRESSIVES, AS WERE THE SPONGY, DOUGHY, FRONT SPRINGS, THE POWER COMMANDER UNIT WAS YET TO BE INSTALLED . . . . I GOT SO PISSED AT RUNNING OUTTA GUZZALINE AT 150 KLMS OF TRAVEL SO THE 2.1 GALLON SPORTY TANK MADE WAY FOR THE TOTALLY EFFECTIVE 4.5 GALLON 'CUSTOM' JIGGER, NOW 400 KLMS ON A TANK AT 120 KPH . . . . ENTER 'THE PURPLE PENIS', A MODIFIED, STOCK BIKE WITH JUST A LITTLE BIT OF SOUL.

LET ME BE THE ONE TO MAKE THE CALL ON THIS HEIST, CAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT IS . . . . BREAK NO BONES ABOUT IT . . . . THIS IS THE McDONALD'S OF THE CUSTOM BIKE WORLD.

FILE UNDER "S IS FOR SWINDLE" . . . . SOMETHING IS ROTTEN IN THE STATE BIKEDOM.

This has been building up pressure in my mind and soul for a couple of years, like a monstrous, pustulescent cyst and I've had enough . . . . can you smell that odour . . . . can you . . . . it's the stench of rancid hipster . . . . you'll find them here.

WE GOT THE HEAT ALL OVER US ON THE ROAD AT THE MINUTE HERE IN QUEENSLAND . . . . IF YOU'VE RIDDEN LONG ENOUGH ON THE WRONG KINDA BIKE, NO REAL BIGGY . . . . BUT IF YOU GET GIVEN THE FLASHING BLUE AND RED, BE COOL . . . . DON'T SQUEAL LIKE A LITTLE GIRL !!!

Today, my quiet suburban street became a hotbed of police activity focusing on three people who had gathered together in a single car, however, from much personal experience over the last thirty three years, you don't get pulled over in a run of the mill sedan unless something rings an alarm bell with the filth . . . mind you, the way the son of the mother who was at the wheel was carrying on I woulda locked the little fucker up without batting an eyelid . . . to their credit, our intrepid orificers of the lur conducted themselves with admirable restraint, searched the veehickle, let sonny Jim have his rant, then went their separate ways. What excitement in the midst of the suburban idyll !!!

WHO'S MAD . . . . ??

DEUTSCHLAND, DEUTSCHLAND UBER ALLES . . . . WHILE STILL IN THE GRIP OF THE GREAT DEPRESSION, THOSE KUNNING KRAUTS ROLLED THIS KILLER OUT . . . . IT NEVER MADE IT INTO PRODUCTION BUT WHAT A DESIGN STATEMENT . . . . RESTRAINED TEUTONIC DECO-DENCE !!!

Definitely in contention for the most beautiful motorcycle ever made, sadly, only a one off piece to highlight just how brilliant BMW was, this 1934 built R7 languished in a container for seventy years prior to being restored to its original splendour, telescopic forks were among a litany of 'firsts' . . . Deco inspired design perfection. Only the Krauts could've pulled this shit off.

THE FLAME THAT NEVER GOES OUT . . . . CLIFFY HOAD'S FLAME JOB ON THE VF VALIANT TWO DOOR . . . . DONE BY ONE OF THE GREATS OF THE AUSSIE HOT ROD SCENE TWENTY PLUS YEARS AGO . . . . PERFECT FORM, EXCEPTIONAL EXECUTION, STILL KEEPING THE 360 WARM AT NIGHT.