THE CURE - "KILLING AN ARAB"*, "10.15 ON A SATURDAY NIGHT" AND "FIRE IN CAIRO" - OH TO HAVE BEEN IN THE UK AT THIS POINT OF THE IMMEDIATE POST PUNK EXPLOSION . . . . A BAND WHOSE ORIGINALITY OF SOUND AND SONGWRITING STILL HOLDS ITS OWN THIRTY FIVE YEARS LATER . . . . DARKNESS AND MELONCHOLIC INTROSPECTION A CONSTANT IN ROBERT SMITH'S LYRICS . . . . FUCKING BRILLIANT !!

*. . . . AND NO, "KILLING AN ARAB" WAS NEVER IN ANY WAY REMOTELY ASSOCIATED WITH RACISM, THE NATIONAL FRONT OR JINGOISTIC FERVOUR . . . . ANYONE WITH A DRAMA ON THAT ONE GO AND DO SOME RESEARCH AND GET BACK TO ME.

THE NICEST WAY TO SEE SUFFERERS PARASITE . . . . WHAT WAS ONCE A FUN, NEON DRENCHED, MINI "VEGAS MEETS L.A" HAS GONE TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET . . . . FROM CURRUMBIN, SOME TWENTY KLMS SOUTH, ON A GORGEOUS SPRING ARVO, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL, MIRAGE LIKE VISTA TO BEHOLD . . . . GET TOO CLOSE . . . . 'AND THE MIRAGE FADES AWAY' . . . . SURFACE VS SUBSTANCE . . . . SURFACE 1 - SUBSTANCE 0

FILE THIS UNDER - "DON'T BITE THE MAGGOTS" OR "ALL THAT GLITTERS CANNOT BE SOULED".

Don't get me wrong, living and working on the sunny Gold Coast ain't all bad, actually it's pretty fucking wonderful, always has been for me, I've never moved away like so many of my more cosmopolitan and restless mates, I've seen more of this wide brown land than most and my international sightseeing, while up til now has only encompassed the West Coast of the USA and inland to Vegas, is going to improve in the years to come . . . . this has always been 'home' . . . . it's just that over the last twenty years things have taken a turd for the worst . . . . what has always been somewhat a superficially focused miasma of shallow, callow, big dollar chasing, taste in their arse toting, fly-by-night scammers, spammers and reality jammers have now been superseded and overtaken by a whole new low level of self absorbed, sun seeking, silicon supplemented, emotionally crippled, blow in fucktards with a plan to rape, pillage and plunder all before them. 

Obsessed with only their appearance and what they can take without ever giving a fuck about anything they might be able to put back into the real fabric of the place, this turgid little tribe is sucking the life out of what was once a pretty cool place to be part of . . . . combine them with an increasing level of idiot violent crime in the nightclub belt of Surfers Paradise itself and among the increasingly rapid and vapid suburban sprawl and shit just ain't what it used to be . . . . what place isn't I guess, change doing its thang, the cycle of life, hakuna matata and all that . . . . an ageing punk rocker/skater/spannerhead just losing touch . . . . sometimes though, the whole ugly thing becomes almost unbearable . . . . move away then dickhead, you say . . . . fuck off, and miss all the action only social decay can produce . . . . not a fucking chance, I wouldn't miss it for quids !!!! 

5.30 P.M - LOOKING NORTH TO SURFERS PALESTINE, THE HIGH RISE, TOURIST DESTINATION THAT ONCE WAS . . . . MUCH MORE ENJOYABLE FROM THIS POSTION . . . . ON TOP OF THE WHITE POLE AT THE END OF THE ROCK WALL IS A SEA EAGLE'S NEST, NICE.

"DAVE ATHERTON WARMS UP DICK MANN'S #64 DIRT TRACKER AT ASHLAND 2009" ['BRITBIKEFORUM' POOTUBE] . . . . PAYDIRT, PUN INTENDED, YEE FREAKIN HA !!!! THE ONE AND ONLY DICK MANN'S DBD34 GOLDY IN ACTION . . . . AT LEAST ACTION OF THE WARMING UP VARIETY . . . . THIS IS THE BEEZA BLASTER THAT DICK MANN RACED DURING THE MID SIXTIES . . . . A SERIOUSLY COOL BIT OF KIT, GO FAST, TURN LEFT !!!

SO, HERE IT IS, THE DBD34, AS RACED BY DICK ALLEN, BEING WARMED UP BY A MAN WHO IS HIMSELF NO STRANGER TO THE SCIENCE OF THE FLAT TRACK SHINDIG, dAVE ATHERTON . . . . INSANELY WICKED LOOKIN, ICE COOL SCOOT IN MY OPINION, GET ON BOARD AND GET THE JOB DONE, NOTHING MORE AND CERTAINLY NOTHING LESS, ALL IN ONE COMPACT, POTENT PACKAGE . . . . I HAVE NO CLUE AS TO WHAT CLUSTERS WERE BEING RUN IN THE 'BOX, GIVEN THAT THE GOLDY COULD BE FITTED WITH VARYING CLOSE RATIO GEAR COMBINATIONS EX FACTORY, HOWEVER, I FIGURE THE SHORTER THE BETTER LOW DOWN.

A COUPLE OF ADDENDA TO THE LAST POST . . . . WITH A POOFTEENTH MORE RESEARCH I HAVE GLEANED THAT THE RIGID FRAME GOLDY WAS IN FACT PRODUCED BY THE FACTORY WITH THE CIRCLE TRACK SPECIFICALLY IN MIND, ESPECIALLY IN THE STATES, I HAD NO IDEA . . . . SECONDLY, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER AT THE TIME, BUT TO OMIT NAMES SUCH AS AJS, MATCHLESS, VELOCETTE, ARIEL AND RUDGE FROM THE LIST OF POMMY SUPER SINGLES WAS CLEARLY A RUDE, SHORTSIGHTED AND HURTFUL THING TO DO . . . . TO ALL THOSE FANS WHO MAY HAVE BEEN CUT TO THE QUICK, MY SINCERE AND HEARTFELT APOLOGIES !!!

I SUPPOSE THE ENTIRE POINT OF THIS SUDDEN FREAKOUT OVER THE FLAT TRACK VERSION OF BSA'S GLORIOUS DBD34 GOLDSTAR IS BASED ON SIMPLY HOW FUCKING TOUGH AND COOL THEY LOOKED WHEN COMPARED TO THE STOCK, UBIQUITOUS AND HIGHLY SOUGHT AFTER 'BOY RACER' ROAD GOING EQUIVALENT . . . . IT'S ONLY MY OPINION BUT IT'S ONLY MY BLOG . . . . IF THE PURISTAS ARE OFFENDED, THAT'S UNFORTUNATE I GUESS, HARDLY MY FAULT YOUR MYOPIC, BLINKERED, SNOB VALUE ATTITUDE IS IN NEED OF RADICAL ADJUSTMENT THERAPY . . . . AND IT APPEARS AS THOUGH I MAY BE JUST THE ARSEHOLE TO CALL YOU ON IT, OOPS . . . . GO FAST, TURN LEFT, GOLDY STYLE !!!

***POSTE SCRIPTUM . . . . IT WAS THE POMMY SUPER SINGLES IN PARTICULAR THAT WERE LIKELY THE CATALYST THAT INSPIRED MUCH BOBBING OF FENDERS, REMOVING OF FLOORBOARDS AND GENERAL WEIGHT REDUCTION OF THE AMERICAN V-TWINS IN THE IMMEDIATE POST WWII YEARS . . . . CERTAINLY AS MUCH AS THE UK IMPORT TWIN MILLS WERE AT LEAST . . . . JUST A WILD SUPPOSITION, BUT I'LL STICK TO MY GUNS.

BEEZA GOLDSTAR 500cc FLAT TRACK HORNBAG ['JOHNNYKABQ' ON POOTUBE] . . . . OUTSIDE OF THE FABULOUS ONE LUNGERS FROM BRACEBRIDGE STREET, THE BEEZA GOLD STAR IS GENERALLY CONSIDERED THE BEST OF ITS TIME . . . . I'VE HAD THE PLEASURE OF RIDING A COUPLE OF STUNNING RESTOS IN THE NINETIES . . . . BUT YOU SEE ONE STOCK GOLDY AND YOU'VE SEEN EM ALL . . . . THIS, THIS AIN'T STOCK !!!!

Mostly everyone has memories of the the Beeza twins that were often ridden to flat track glory in the sixties and up to the mid seventies in the States, the halcyon days of Triumphs, Harleys and the best Birmingham had to offer going hammer and tong woulda been something to see in the flesh . . . . not much attention gets devoted to the Small Arms manufacturer's big single pot smoker, even though they were part of the circle scene going back to the fifties, I'm sure Dick Mann used to campaign one and a few others besides, so I'm gonna put in a little research time and get back to you with the results . . . . however . . . . during the meanwhile . . . . as those wacky Monty Python lads used to say.

I found this last night in the usual spontaneously random, accidental manner of bouncing from one thing to the next and sucking it all in, one fucking way cool Goldy flat track sled set in a rigid frame, as they were all originally swingarm mounted, definitive slider 'bars, tank appears to be off the legendary Victor model, modded and relocated oil bag and a lovely little reverse cone mega and bobbed and bum padded rear guard/fender . . . . this single lung jigger just gives me a woody from go to gone, looks bloody perfect in every way and the noise is pure Gold Star, they were never a 'cackler', rather a nice chuff-chuffer, they were always the 'clubmans' choice back in the day, both on the track and among the lads and lairs of the Ton Up Club and the Ace Cafe, as they were road registerable, as opposed to the famously fabulous full race, GP orientated, Manx No-tone . . . . and like most big, one pot powerplants, they put out oodles of torque which would've been just what you need in the perpetual slide and grind of flat trackin.

Anyhoo . . . . in a world where so much emphasis is placed on doing the same beautiful-but-boring-as-bat-shit restoration caper with classic bikes of this ilk, it's bitchin to come across someone daring to be different and pulling it off with aplomb and elan, and in so doing, recapturing the last of the big single era previous to Yamaha's introduction of the seminal, second generation thumpers of the mid 70's, the TT and XT 500's . . . . even Stevie Wonder could see the source for the Yammies inspiration, if you know what I mean, and I'm sure you do.

"AMPHETAMINE COWBOY" BY DICK DESERT . . . . THIS SHIT IS ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY HILARIOUS . . . . REMINDS ME OF THE BAD OLD DAYS OF ROAD CREW, THOUSAND KILOMETRE OVERNIGHTERS, ILLUSIONS. DELUSIONS AND MASS CONFUSION . . . . NO LONGER CONSIDERED THE BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS AMONG THE GLOBAL ROCK AND ROLL FRATERNITY . . . . FILE THIS ONE UNDER : LIKE THE JOHNNYS ON CRANK.

BEEN WAITING FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT TO NAIL THIS ONE UP . . . . SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA TAKE THE BULL BY THE BALLS AND MAKE THE MOMENT NOW . . . . DON'T KNOW DICK ABOUT MR DESERT AND DON'T NEED TO . . . . THIS IS ASTUTE, INFORMED AND DEAD ACCURATE . . . . FROM DILATED PUPILS TO HOOVER ACTION . . . . SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE IN THE DELICATE AGE WE LIVE IN . . . . ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU CAN BE UP TO YOUR EYEBALLS IN BATH SALTS AND ICE . . . . SO MUCH BETTER FOR YOU !!!!

**** On a serious note . . . . I am not advocating nor promoting substance abuse in any way, shape or form. Merely observing and commenting . . . . chronicling the times we used to live in and those in which we now find ourselves inextricably embroiled . . . . be safe kiddies, you know what they say about strangers with candy.

"TO CHOP OR NOT, THAT IS THE VINCENT" OR "SACRILEGE IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER" . . . . THERE ARE A SHITLOAD OF UNWRITTEN LAWS IN LIFE, NOBODY SAYS A THING UNTIL YOU BREAK ONE . . . . TWELVE SLOTTERS ON A HOLDEN, BOWTIE IN A BLUE OVAL, BUYING A FORTY EIGHT, DATING YOUR BEST MATE'S EX, DRINKING HARD LIQUOR AT AN 'AA' MEETING . . . . CHOPPING THE PRIDE OF STEVENAGE . . . .

One of those unwritten, never spoken of until it's been transgressed laws, has always been, never, ever, fucking ever, chop up a Vincent . . . . or utilise the big Pommy powerhouse for the purposes of speedway outfits when it entails hacking the gearbox off the beautiful unit construction cases . . . . the latter has been done time and time again over the last forty years but not that many Vinnies have been chopped and dropped for all the world to see and all the Vincent/HRD purists to pour scorn and derision on . . . . so powerful and secretive is this international band of naysayers and period correct arbiters of what shall and shall not be . . . . lest the Stevenage Secret Style Police visit pain most horrid upon your sacrilegious arse. 

I posted a spiel about a beautifully presented, modern day chop interpretation of the Vincent a while back, it wasn't necessarily my speed but fuck, it was done well, as was the incredibly gorgeous, salt flat/Rollie Free inspired Decker doodad of a few or so years back, my favourite Vincent ever as I raved in another post . . . . after reading about Kiyo's recent acquisition of a legit Black Shadow on several sites lately I was prompted to contemplate once more just how many guys out there have been brave/foolhardy enough to give the ultimate one fingered salute to the superior Guardians of the Grail and chop em up old school style . . . . a bit like the ultra staunch Ducatista, I've seen these donkeys at work in the past at swap meets and rallies where they sometimes congregate and their ability to put shit on even incorrect fasteners and ferules is second to fucking none . . . . how dare anyone present a Vincent in less than factory stock fettle !!!! Me, as Aussie rockers Supernaut once sang in the seventies, I like it both ways, providing it's lookin cool.

I searched all over PooTube, nada, not a sausage to be found, then went on Google patrol and bingo, fuck all in fact, I did manage to track down these examples care of http://www.thevincent.com/ blog, which I'm sure have been included for nothing more than novelty/ammusement value . . . . my guess is all three versions are from the UK, and, to be really blunt, I don't mind them at all, the bottom one, with the possibly faux Black Shadow cases, what appears to be original swing arm and frame, extended girder front end ain't too bad, the middle jigger sporting the Rapide motorvator looks kinda tough as well . . . . but the model in the top two, grainy old shots is flat out cool in my books, way cool rear tire to guard setup is phat, phunky and tough as, frame geometry is nicely balanced, what seems to be a fatglide front end works aesthetically, two insanely lengthy inlet tubes with carbs hangin out in the breeze, paintjob is cool enough too, basically, a fucking chill thing . . . . and the thing they all share in common is cocking a collective snoot at the purist brigade . . . . wise up Vincent Mafia, it's just another bike !!!

A RE-POST FROM GROOVY GUY AT GREASY KULTURE . . . . IF YOU HAVE ASPIRATIONS OF DOING THE SAMBA AT SUNDANCE OR AT LEAST SUPPORTING INDEPENDENT FILM MAKING . . . . READ THIS, HAVE A SQUIZ AND FOLLOW THE INTRUCTIONS . . . . LOOKS ABSOLUTELY WORTHWHILE TO ME . . . . GIVE IT A CRACK, OR GUY WILL SEND THE LADS AROUND . . . . KNOW WOT I MEAN GOV ???

Wanna be an independent film producer?

A friend of mine, Jesper Bram (a well known pinstriper/artist), is putting the finishing touches to his film 'Flake and Flames: The kustom kulture adventure' and is looking for independent funding to do some final post-production work. The entire documentary is 'crowd funded', and if you want to get involved and contribute a little to the movie's production costs, you'll get some very cool swag in return.

The film features candid interviews with the likes of Coop, Frank Kozik, Dan Collins, The Pizz, etc etc... and is looking good!

For more info, go HERE.

YOU KNOW THOSE NIGHTS WHERE YOU'RE AMONG GREAT FRIENDS . . . . WHEN THOUGHTS OF TAINTING THE OCCASION BY THE INTRODUCTION OF EXCESSIVE INTAKE OF BEER, WINE AND PARTY DELIGHTS WOULD BE VULGAR AND DEMEANING OF THE EVENING'S AMBIENCE . . . . LAST NIGHT JUST WASN'T ONE OF THOSE INSTANCES AT ALL . . . . CHOOK'S '64 GALAXIE 500 COUPE, BOG STOCK AND READY TO ROCK !!!!

ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA - THE DIARY OF A BUNCH OF WIMPS . . . . BUT HOT DAMN COULD THEY WRITE BRILLIANT TUNES . . . . I'VE CANED THESE DUDES IN MANY A MUSICAL POST/RANT, I KNOW . . . . IN HONEST REALITY THEY WERE A FAVOURITE, IMPECCABLE SONGCRAFT, TOTALLY INDIVIDUAL SOUND AND STUDIO TECHNIQUE STILL AT THE PRODUCTION FOREFRONT . . . . BE REAL, FESS UP, THIS SHIT KICKS !!!!

Jeff Lynn and ELO began their global musical ascendancy in about 1974, after having been thrown together courtesy of an idea from the beautifully eccentric Pommy muso/songsmith, Roy Wood, about three years earlier, sadly, he was not to share in the staggering commercial success the band achieved between '75 and '80 . . . . I believe part of the original 'design brief' was to carry on where the Fab Four had left off, incorporating strings, synths and state of the art production methods, remember, this was the early seventies kids, and there are definitely hints of Lennon/McCartney in their tunes, just listen to the intro from 'Mr Blue Sky', a wee spot of 'A Day in the Life' anyone ?? . . . . these fuckers could write seriously complex, melodic, instant hook laden, gorgeously crafted tunes that stood out like very large dog's balls from all that was going on around them, their sense of pace and timing always had me blown out, still does, I never liked the satin, velvet, big collar schtick, nor the monster bouffant hairdo thing but the songs alone are forever worth their weight in gold . . . . yes, they quickly became yet another victim of the Punk Revolution and by the beginning of the eighties were languishing in the quagmire of the past like so many other musically anachronistic dinosaurs but at one time they were the champions of the world . . . . they even had a new world record to prove it . . . . rock on, you velveteen, hairy, old, hippy dick swingers !!!

PSSSST . . . . 'ERE, YOU WANNA BUY A NICE WATCH THEN MATE . . . . I FEEL A BIT GUILTY AND NEGLECTFUL OF THE POOR OLD PROJECT SHOVELLER . . . . BOUGHT MYSELF A NEW WATCH DIRECT FROM JAPAN LAST WEEK . . . . IT ARRIVED TODAY IN THE POST AND I'M CHUFFED TO BITS . . . . SELF INDULGENCE, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL THING . . . . ROLEX, SHMOLEX, SWISS, NO WAY, I'M A SEIKO PSYCHO FREAKO !!!

FILE UNDER "ABSOLUTLEY FUCK ALL TO DO WITH BIKES, CARS, MUSIC, RANTS OR ANY OF THE USUAL SUBJECTS WHATSOEVER"

I'm not a watch collector by any stretch of the imagination, I've always loved cool ones though, especially the great divers models, yes, Rolex included, Omega Seamasters and the venerable family of Seiko Divers, the Model T of the personal timepiece world . . . . got my first Seiko Divers 150m in 1980, the orange face one, Quartz not automatic, wore it everyday, 24/7 for the next six years, flung it out the window of the band Tarago at 120 k's one day, no drama, gave it to a good mate when I got the next one, the original release of the Arnie Divers Duo 150m, black 'tuna' surround, digital display, alarm, donated that to my best man at my wedding in '97, about three years after getting the one on the left of my wrist in the pic, it's ceased to work currently but I'll get it repaired. Next was the one in the middle, the Kinetic 200m jigger, picked that up in 2009, one super heavyweight mofo, tragically, while jumping over a wall I thought was only three foot high when I was smash drunk a bit more than month ago, I bashed the shit out of it when the drop turned into about twelve fucking feet . . . . you can see the huge chunk of glass missing from the lens at the ten o'clock position.

The thing I've never understood about the collector/automatic/mechanical/purist brigade is why the fuck would you spend idiot amounts of money on technology that loses time from the moment you put the fucker on your wrist, it's a bit like buying a bike that you expect to have to completely retune every day, instead of once a week or a month . . . . anyway . . . . I've always been notoriously hard on the bloody things, once they're on, they never come off, sleeping, showering, swimming, riding, skating, screwing, working, sweating, whatever, had a waterproof watch on my wrist since I was nine. The damage to the Kinetic model got me figuring I want to get one more watch that will take the knocks and the abuse, be totally proofed against water, keep perfect time, so I know exactly how late I am to things, and last the rest of my life . . . . it had to be a Seiko . . . . and I knew which one, the legendary Divers 300m Professional, because clearly, I'm a pro diver . . . . not.

I've had a stiffy for what is known as the 'Tuna Can' Seiko divers for decades, they are a design classic, it's the one on the right in the pic, and a thing that rewrote the book on water resistance and robust engineering, never thought I'd own one and having owned some pretty hefty, large divers already, kinda thought it would be too fucking big . . . . then I found out how 'relatively' inexpensive they are ex Japan, so, by last Friday, I'd got me one, and now that it's on my wrist, the feeling is quite bizarre, something I've wanted for so long is now in my possession . . . . sure, it's just a 'thing' but it's a beautiful thing and I'm sure it will justify the price tag and be the last watch I'll ever buy, and yes, it's gonna get modified, or at least a beefier, uber quality bracelet, [bracelet, that is such a fucking girly word !!!] . . . . only downside is . . . . the entire process of research and deep thinking coincided with the very week I was gonna put the cash down on the Papa Clutch hardtail for the Shoveller . . . . oh well, fuck it, just save some more coin and get it before Christmas, no real rush, I've got the Purple Penis in the meantime.

"HELLGRASS-TWB ARENA 2012" ['ANDR9699'] . . . . BITCHIN CROSS SECTION OF THE DIVERSITY FEATURED AT TWO WHEELS BRAZIL 2012 . . . . APART FROM POSSESSING SOME OF THE SEXIEST WOMEN ON PLANET EARTH THE JOINT IS SWARMING WITH MOTORCYCLE MAD MANOS AND SENORINAS . . . . MY BUCKET LIST OF SHIT TO DO AND SEE AROUND THE WORLD NOW FILLS A 44 GALLON DRUM . . . . THEN SOME !!!

MAX AT http://4qconditioning.blogspot.com.au/ HAS JUST POSTED HIS UNIQUE 4Q SLANT ON PROCEEDINGS AS WELL . . . . GO AND SCOPE THAT IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS VIDEO OFFERING FROM 'ANDR9699' . . . . REAL COOL SHIT F-REAL !!!

LIVE TO RIDE, RIDE TO SLEEP . . . . OBVIOUSLY, JUST GETTIN THE NEW PARTS BOLTED UP WAS NEVER GOING TO BE ENOUGH FOR THIS DAY . . . . GOT SOME DINNER INTO MY GIZZARD THEN DECIDED A QUICK RIP DOWN THE HIGHWAY WOULD BE JUST THE TRICK . . . . FAILED TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT THE DELAYED EFFECTS OF THE PREVIOUS NIGHT'S PISSFEST . . . . BY ABOUT THE 170 KLM MARK . . . . FEELIN SLEEEEEEPY.

THE RIDE SOUTH TO BYRON BAY, INTERNATIONAL DESTINATION FOR THE GREAT UNWASHED, SWEDISH TOURISTS, WOULD-BE SURFERS, WOOD DUCK BLOW-INS AND DREADLOCKED DIRTBAGS, IS AN EASY ONE HOUR BLAST ON THE SCOOT . . . . 180 ODD KLMS ROUND TRIP, TWO LANES ALL THE WAY, STRAIGHT STRETCHES, COOL CURVES AND NICE SCENERY, ON A THREE QUARTER MOONLIGHT NIGHT, DEE-FUCKING-LIGHTFUL !!! 

THE PENIS MOSHEEN, REPLETE WITH MR BOYLE'S NEWLY INSTALLED AIR CLEANER HANGIN NEATLY OFF THE RIGHTHAND SIDE, WAS LOVIN LIFE, THE EVENING'S COOL AIR BEING SUCKED INTO THE THROTTLE MOUTH GIVING THE DONK ALL THE MIX IT NEEDED AND ME . . . . FEELIN FINE AND JUST TAKING IT ALL IN, PRETTY MUCH ON AUTO PILOT, PASSING THE FEW CARS OUT ON THE ROAD, NOT FLOGGING IT TOO HARD FOR FEAR OF AN ENCOUNTER WITH THE STATE OF THE ART FUZZ-MOBILES THE WALLOPERS ARE NOW RUNNING SOUTH OF THE BORDER.

INTO BYRON TOWN, DISMOUNT, FEEL OUT THE NEW ADDITION FOR ANY SIGN OF LOOSENESS INCURRED ON THE JOURNEY, ALL IS HUNKY DORY, QUICK SQUIRT, SUCK ON A CIGGY, BACK ON THE BIKE AND TURN IT AROUND FOR THE TRIP HOME . . . . BY THE TIME I HIT THE BORDER, COMING CLOSE TO TWO HOURS SINCE HEADING OFF, I'M IN ZOMBIE MODE, THE DOWNSIDE OF LAST NIGHT'S BOOZE INTAKE HAS KICKED ME FAIR IN THE BALLS, NONE OF WHICH I'D CONSIDERED PRIOR TO DECIDING ON THE RIDE. 

FEELIN SO FUCKING TIRED THAT IF I WAS IN A CAR I WOULD'VE PULLED OVER AND HAD A KIP . . . . UNZIP THE JACKET, STAND UP ON THE PEGS, SHAKE, JUMP AND SHOUT TO TRY AND BRIGHTEN UP, ALL TO NOT MUCH AVAIL, BY THE TIME I HIT BURLEIGH HEADS, I'M SHAGGED AND REAL DOUGHY, PULL INTO THE GLOW OF THE GOLDEN ARCHES IN A FINAL BID TO FIRE UP THE SYNAPSES AND NEURONS ENOUGH TO GET ME HOME . . . . DOUBLE SHOT BLACK AND TWO SUGARS, TWO MARLBOROS. ANOTHER PISS, TIME TO MOUNT THE PURPLE PHALLUS AND GET ON IT. 

LETS NOT FUCK ABOUT THIS TIME, LOTS OF SPEED, MORE ADRENALIN, JUST WHAT I NEEDED, CRANK IT ON, THE LAST LEG TAKES A LITTLE OVER FIVE MINUTES TO COVER THE FINAL FIFTEEN KLMS . . . . TURN OFF THE MOTOR, COAST INTO THE DRIVE, STAND DOWN, STEERING LOCK ON, INSIDE, A COUPLE MORE CIGS WHILE I'M WRITING THIS SHIT UP, "KINGPIN" ON CABLE . . . . FUCK THAT, TIME FOR BED, NYE NYE FOLKS.

"MORE BOYLE CUSTOM MOTO QUALITY" OR "THE 'PURPLE PENIS' LOSES SOME GIRTH" . . . . ANOTHER BOX OF THE GOOD STUFF ARRIVED TODAY FROM KIM AT BCM, THE LARGER DIAMETER 'JJ' TUMBLED FINISH AIR CLEANER . . . . ONCE AGAIN, THE DUDE HAS EXCELLED HIMSELF, NOTHING SHORT OF BRILLIANT . . . . DESIGN SIMPLICITY AT ITS OPTIMUM, CLEAN, THIN AND SWEET AS A FUCKING PEACH !!!

I knocked off work a poofteenth early this arvo, couldn't wait to get home and have a fondle and then fit my new 'JJ' air cleaner to the Purple penis, hot off the plane from Kim at BCM. The same level of quality as the original Thinner Pinner I already have put aside for Project Shoveller, every aspect of the thing is executed in immaculate attention to detail, machining, fit, all of it is seamless and bang on the money . . . . I've been wanting to get rid of the old, modified cheapo Zodiac unit ever since it displaced the factory letterbox sized, double-extra ugly thing over a year ago and now the job's done, I couldn't be more stoked, I reckon it looks a treat, simple, clean and purposeful, classic lines and style . . . . Boyle Classic Moto, absofuckinglutely ??

Grabbed the tools and the two BCM Willis Bolts I'd previously purchased and hooked into ripping off the old thing, proceeded to remove the filter body and plate, breather hose, ghastly breather balance pipe, bolts and bracket all in about five minutes . . . . cleaned all the threads on the throttle body and the breather holes in the heads, a dab of Loctite on all the fasteners and attached the backing plate, Kim's bloody gorgeous, hand made Willis bolts were a tight fit but doing it bit by bit before a drop of Loctite went on got the gig done perfectly . . . . then inserted the fine, rear gauze plate followed by the sweet little Unifilter element, the front piece of gauze, popped the circlip in with my thumb, repeated the process on the other one and job's a goodun . . . . Like I said, couldn't be more fucking rapt, the thing sits nice and snug in against the throttle body and virtually under the tank, the wee Willis bolts look totally cool and the entire caper is exactly what I wanted and well beyond all expectations . . . . I love simplicity of design and quality and Kim nails it !!!

WAR "LOW RIDER" . . . . PERPTETUALLY, INDELIBLY, UNDENIABLY, IMMUTABLY, PERMENANTLY AND IRREVOCABLY COOL . . . . DECLAN PATRICK ALOYSIUS MacMANUS ONCE ASKED, SOMEWHAT RHETORICALLY . . . . "WHAT'S SO FUNNY ABOUT PEACE, LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING ?" . . . . THE ANSWER IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL MOTHERFUCKER !!!! . . . . TOTAL RACIAL INTERGRATION, THESE CATS RULE !!!

FOR SUPREME ROBBIE, LOVEY, CALEB, T-BONE, FATASS, OLLIE, JUNIOR, AND MASTERLINK . . . . THIS ONE'S FOR ALL OF YOU, BIG LOVE AND RESPECT . . . . RACISM SUCKS ARSE !!!!

GORILLAZ : "JOURNEY TO PLASTIC BEACH" . . . . SICK OF BIKES, THEY'RE FOR QUEER LITTLE HOMEBOYZ WITH A MICRO PHALLUS COMPLEX . . . . LETS CONTEMPLATE THE SHIT THAT REALLY MATTERS, THE STUFF OF LIFE CHANGING, LONG LASTING, MELON TWISTING SIGNIFICANCE . . . . "THE WILLING SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF", THAT'S THE NUB OF IT ALL . . . . SIMPLY BELIEVE, AND IT WILL BE . . . . WHATEVER IT IS, DIG ???

What if all this fluff turned out to be just that, fluff, ephemera, trite, trivial, nonsense, not worth a squirt of billy goat's wee wee, all this pursuing of things with wheels and motors that sound tough and mean and look, look, what's the word I'm after here . . . . mmmmmm . . . . cool, yes, cool. I'm going to rise above all this engine vs penis type thing, gonna leave it all behind, there's an island on the horizon where everyone just gets along like one big, happy holocaust . . . . they sing songs and slurp on sugar free soft drinks all day long and at night feast on marshmallow toast and hundreds and thousands, happiness is all around and love is in the heir, and the heir gets it all on a platter . . . . the bug powder dust is flowing and the bad guys come out on top, just like in real life only it's righteous and magical and so fluffy, everyone's on naltrxone implants and it's all good because things go better with dogooders in charge . . . . get naked for lunch twice a week, hug your friendly neighbourhood drug dealer, invite them in for nude Twister and naltrexone . . . . suspend that disbelief, nice.

THE NEPTUNE POWER FEDERATION : "MANO A SATANO" ['XRAYSTUDIOS'] . . . . ALL BALLTEARING ROCK AND ROLL SHOULD BE LIKE GREAT SEX, SHORT, DIRTY, FAST AND LOUD* . . . . THIS IS THE BRAND NEW SINGLE FROM THE SATANIC SIDEKICKS I PUT UP A FEW NIGHTS AGO . . . . GOING OFF LIKE A FUCKING FROG IN A SOCK . . . . BEWARE - THE FOLLOWING VIDEO CONTAINS CONTENT THAT CAN FUCK YOUR SHIT UP !!!!! *

I JUST RECIEVED A COMMUNIQUE FROM THE VERY REVEREND INVERTED CRUCIFOX, OF THE NEPTUNE POWER FEDERATION, ALERTING ME TO THE RELEASE OF THE FIRST SINGLE AND TITLE TRACK FROM THEIR DEBUT LONG PLAYER, "MANO A SATANO" AND IT'S A DEVILISHLY RAUCOUS PIECE OF ROCK AND ROLL PERFECTION . . . . COMING ON LIKE A RABID CROSS BETWEEN ELECTRIC FRANKENSTEIN AND RADIO BIRDMAN, THE SHIT ERUPTS FROM THE SPEAKERS LIKE A LANCED BOIL ON BEELZEBUB'S BACKSIDE, AT JUST ON TWO MINUTES LONG, THIS LIVELY LITTLE LULLABY OF LECHEROUSLY, LUCIFEROUS LASCIVIOUSNESS IS LUSTFULLY LIKEABLE FROM THE INTRO TO DYING FADEOUT OF THE LAST, LINGERING CHORD . . . . MORE IMPORTANTLY, IN A TIME WHEN WAY TOO MANY ACTS ARE TAKING THEMSELVES FAR TOO SERIOUISLY, THE NEPTUNE POWER FEDERATION ARE DELIVERING THE HEAVYWEIGHT MUSICAL GOODS WITH THEIR TONGUES PLACED FIRMLY IN THEIR SHITEATING, GRINNING CHEEKS . . . . LIKE I SAID BEFORE, TURN THE OLD NOISE MACHINE UP TO 'BLEED', STAND BACK, GRAB A BEER, OFFER UP THE SIGN OF THE BEAST WITH THE SPARE HAND AND . . . . GWAAAAAARRRRRRR !!!!! 

* DONATES "COULD BE JUST TAKING THE PISS" . . . . HAVING SOME BLOODY FUN IS WHAT THE LADS AND I'M ABOUT . . . . IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MUSIC FOLKS, OH YEAH !!!

C2C - "DOWN THE ROAD" (OFFICIALLY RATIFIED COOL SHIT) . . . . GOTTA LOVE SOMETHING LIKE THIS . . . . A REAL MIXED UP MULATO, BLUES, SCRATCH, DANCE, SOUL, R+B . . . . JUST STUFF ALL THAT SHIT INTO THE SAME CAN AND CALL THE FUCKIN THING A TAKE . . . . QUARTER AFTER TWO IN THE MORNING, FOUR FIFTHS CUT AND ONCE AGAIN, MUSIC IS MY ONLY COMPANION AND SOLACE . . . . FTW !!!!

SHERIFF "SIMON YOUNG" ['SHERIFFTHEBAND'] . . . . LETS KEEP THE CARTOON ILLUSTRATION THEME THINGY ROLLIN ALONG HERE . . . . ANOTHER MOFO, KICK BOTTOM, LOCK UP YOUR LIQUOR CABINET, YOUNG AUSSIE OUTFIT TEARIN SHIT UP BIGTIME . . . . RAPIDLY GAINING NATIONAL RECOGNITION DUE TO THE LEGENDARY TRIPLE J 'UNEARTHED' PROGRAM . . . . TURN THE FUCKER UP AND LETS ROCK IT !!!!

BEEN A STRANGE DAY, NO SLEEP LAST NIGHT, ON THE BIKE FROM DAWN, ESCAPE THE V8 SUPERCAR, SUPERYOB CIRCUS, STEENKING FUCKING HOT, BACK HOME FOR A LATE LUNCH, CATCH SOME TWISTED ZEDS, DINNER, POST A COUPLE OF QUICKIES AND NOW . . . . NOW, LETS GET OUT AND HAVE A FINAL PRE BEDTIME THRASH ON THE GOOD SHIP 'PURPLE PENIS', NICE AND COOL, PERFECT BLASTIN CONDITIONS, TOMORROW I HAVE THE COMPANY OF MY DARLING DAUGHTER, THAT'LL FINISH ME OFF GOOD AND PROPER WITHOUT A DOUBT . . . . HASTA LA VISTA, BABY !!!!

"IN SEARCH OF THE ELUSIVE FEELINGS OF CHILDHOOD" . . . . I TRY NOT TO LIFT PHOTOS ETCETERA, ETCETERA, ETCETERA FROM MY BLOG LIST, IT'S JUST A BIT 'EASY' . . . . THIS TIME HOWEVER, I COULD'NT HEP MA SEF, THE DESIRE PROVED OVERWHELMING . . . . WHEN JEFF AT C.O.C POSTED THESE NEW PRINTS FROM INTERNATIONALLY RENOWNED AUSSIE ILLUSTRATOR, ADAM NICKEL . . . . SORRY.

There's no great blurb or blither about to come on with this post, suffice to say that the bloke who came up with the timeless proverb about putting away childish things when we become men was so fucking wrong it's not even remotely gigglesome, to do that is to surrender to the grey/beige conformity of a societal norm that sucks minds and arse in equal measure . . . . I reckon most of us, the blogs I follow, the guys and gals behind them, the shit that unites us spiritually and so much more beside, actually spend our adult lives trying to recapture the magic, the spark, the special innocence we felt as kids when we happened upon shit that you could literally feel changing your mindset and filling your soul with life. Keep searching, keep that memory alive . . . . never surrender to 'them'.

Putting it as concisely as I can, Adam Nickel, from the Sunshine Coast, some three hours north of me, keeps that feeling alive well and truly within me every time I've come across his work since I first saw it quite a few years ago on some random web stuff while perving at retro 50's cartoons, followed shortly thereafter on Deus tees and it went from there . . . . anchored firmly in the post WWII style of comic illustration his graphics just drip with cool that bring on micro recollections and nano time warp sensations that have me feeling like a six year old boy all over again, the original Mambo designs used to do the same thing for me back in the eighties as have other artworks of similar historical influence since adolesence, I fucking love it, if maturity means losing touch with that . . . . stick it up your arse !!!

Looks like it has turned into an epic blither, oops . . . . anyway . . . . the series of prints that the extremely artistically and mechanically talented Mr Wright put up today are out of this world, a bit of a departure from much of Nickel's previous output, like some conglomeration of grainy, Warhol fused, photo-realism with a teeny bit of DC comic book darkness poking its head out between the cracks, it's just my perception, you'll have yours . . . . either way, get you and your crazy childlike mind over to http://churchofchoppers.blogspot.com.au/ immediately, if you haven't already been there today, check out the three other astounding prints available to purchase on the link to Adam's site and get some stuff that will be as valid a piece of illustration/artwork in fifty years time as it is right now, this is definitely something to leave for the kids . . . . I've got me a copy of the above Vinnie Dragster already, unfuckingreal . . . . I'm off to mess around with my Hot Wheels collection for a while . . . . ah, childhood . . . . bloody beautiful !!!! 

THE NEPTUNE POWER FEDERATION "BOIL THE OIL" [OFFICIAL VIDEO] . . . . THESE DUDES ARE FUCKING GRINDING IT REAL SCHOOL METAL STYLE . . . . ONLY HEARD OF THEM IN THE LAST MONTH OR SO AND KNOW BUGGER ALL ABOUT THEM . . . . WHAT I DO KNOW IS WE NEED MORE OF THIS AND A LOT LESS OF RAPID FIRE, DULL AS PISS, ARPEGGIATED GUITAR, GWAR DEVIL BOLLOCKS . . . . VOTE #1 THE NFP FOR ROCK !!!!

HEY MUM, LOOK AT ME, I'M IN A METAL BAND, LISTEN TO OUR BROWLING VOCALS AND MY YAWNFUL ARPEGGIOS . . . . BET YOU NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE . . . . GWAAAAAAARRRRR !!! FUCKING BORING !!!!

ANYWAY . . . . DIG THIS MOB, TAKIN IT BACK TO REALITY . . . . AND HERE'S A BLURB ON THEM THAT I'VE PILFERED FROM THEIR WEB CAPER-GIG-THING, GOTTA LOVE PISSTAKERS . . . . TURN IT UP TO 'DISTORT'

"The NPF harken back to a simpler time when bands like Motley Crue were considered Satanic and the PMRC were seriously worried about the effect Twisted Sister would have on a child's upbringing.

We perform fuzzed up NWOBHM tinged punk rock with a subtle stoner flavour and richly lathered in the occult. Riffs are typically judged successful if they roughly evoke the manner of a large inbred man-child chopping down a tree.

Our band features an international lineup of players over-experienced in the ways of rock who collectively have performed in bands like Your Mother, All You Can Eat, Frenzal Rhomb, Mortal Sin, Demolition High Style, Nancy Vandal as well as winning an international air guitar championship. You'll just know us by our way wicked band names"

The Black Plagums [vox]

Inverted CruciFox [gtr]
Search and DesTroy [gtr]
Jaytanic Ritual [bass]

Mr Styx [drums]

Hail Satan.

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH !!!!! I'VE BEEN HACKED/SCAMMED/SPAMMED AND GENERALLY STIFFED BY SOME FUCKER . . . . IF ANYONE HAS BEEN RECEIVING DUMBARSED EMAILS FROM ME . . . . DO NOT OPEN THE LINKS, JUST DELETE THE THING . . . . I APOLOGISE PROFUSELY IF ANYONE ELSE CONTRACTS THE VIRUS SHIT . . . . OUT OF MY CONTROL SADLY, RUN A CLEANER THROUGH YOUR 'PUTER . . . . FUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK !!!!!

IMAGE C/O A TEE SHIRT BLOG . . . . THANKS TEE DUDE . . . . TO THE HACKER/SCAMMER DICK . . . . GET A FUCKIN LIFE, ARSECLOWN JACKOFF !!!!

"CARONA TWO WHEELS BRAZIL" ['TWOWHEELS BRAZIL'] . . . . I HOPE THE GORGEOUS SENORINA IN THE CLIP MADE IT ALL THE WAY TO TWB2 . . . . GOING BY LAST YEARS WRITE UPS, VIDS AND POSTED MATERIAL IT SHOULD BE A WHOLE LOTTA BIKER LOVIN, LATIN LICKIN FUN . . . . IF YOU'RE THERE, HAVE A PHAT TIME FOLKS, LOTS OF PICS FOR THOSE OF US WHO AIN'T . . . . HASTA LA VISTA, PAULO !!!

PHOEBUS BEAT CLAN "ANGLER FISH MISHAP" OUT NOW . . . . THIS JUST IN FROM MY MAN ON THE EDGE, THE GOOD DOCTOR PENDLETON . . . . LIVING WELL OFF ANY GRID YOU COULD BE CONTEMPLATING, HE HAS HEARD THE BEAT AND REACTED TO IT AS ONLY HE CAN . . . . A CHEMICAL OVERLOAD OF COSMIC DIMENSIONS . . . . THE DOCTOR KNOWS HIS MUSIC JUST AS HE DOES HIS SUBSTANCES . . . . TAKE HEED !!!

PHOEBUS BEAT CLAN "Angler Fish Mishap" OUT OCT 2012

C'mon kiddies . . . swim with me now, dive in, the aquavit's fine, while my sitar bently weeps, take a trip to the psychedelic ocean of love . . . . adjust your mind, embrace the Goddess of the freakout, let us glide with the merrymakers of passion, the sunshine supermen, the tribe that dull forgot, Phoebus Beat Clan . . . . for verily, the journey we embark upon is shining, liquid love, but beware the Angler Fish that lurks beneath, it's a trip you don't want to take . . . and you won't, not if the Clan and the Nembutol Necromancer are your companions as we traverse lovescapes unknown on our quest to a kingdom most magical, to see, through your mind's eye, the Great Troll of Liquid Space Dominions . . . trust in the Clan, for theirs is the True Beat of the Universe. Psychotically yours, Doctor Dexter Q Pendleton [M.D, M.A.D, F.U.K, K.W.A.K, B.PSYC]

I'M ONE OF THOSE DUDES WHO RECKON SOME RIDERS BRING THE PAIN ON THEMSELVES WHEN IT COMES TO ENTANGLEMENTS WITH CARS . . . . ESPECIALLY SPORTS BIKES DOIN WARP FACTOR 9 . . . . HAVE A LOOK AND A LISTEN TO THE MAN IN THIS CLIP, HE'S MAKIN SENSE . . . . YOU GONNA BE SKIN UP LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER . . . . ALL I SEE IS ASS MEAT, BOOTY MEAT, I ALREADY THROWN OFF . . . . TRUTH !!!

NOW, I'M NOT SAYIN THERE AIN'T A WHOLE PLANET'S WORTH OF DUMB, BRAINDEAD, CLUELESS, FUCKWIT DRIVERS OUT THERE, CAUSE THERE IS, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE, 24/7, 365 . . . . NONETHELESS, IF YOU'RE OUT ON THE SCOOT, RIPPIN IT UP, CONFIDENT AND FEELIN TEN FOOT TALL AND BULLETPROOF, THAT'S WHEN BAD SHIT'S GONNA GET YA . . . . I'VE SEEN IT, I'VE DONE THE FUNERAL THING, AND I HEAR A LOT OF THE BLAME SHIFTING ONTO THE CAGERS . . . . OFTEN TIMES, IT'S A CROCK FROM A DUDE ON A TWO WHEELED ROCKETSHIP TRAVELIN SO FUCKING RAPIDLY NOBODY, LET ALONE JOE VOLVO DRIVER, HAS A CHANCE OF KNOWING WHERE HE'S AT UNTIL . . . . BANG . . . . TOO FUCKING LATE . . . . ALL OVER ASTRO BOY . . . . END OF THE RIDE !!!

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT KANGAROOS, DEER, COWS, HORSES AND OTHER SHIT THAT CAN'T BE FORESEEN, YOUNG FOLK SUDDENLY PULLING U TURNS IN FRONT OF YOU, FAT, STUPID WOMEN CUTTING ACROSS YOUR LANE LIKE YOU'RE INVISIBLE, FUCKERS RUNNING RED LIGHTS OR STOP SIGNS . . . . I'M TALKIN ABOUT JUST BEING AWARE THAT SPEED AND DISTANCE CAN BADLY FUCK WITH A PERSON'S PERCEPTION . . . . WE ALL KNOW THE OLD CHESTNUT, "SORRY, I DIDN'T SEE YOU" AS YOU'RE LYING ON YOUR BACK WITH MULTIPLE FRACTURES, CONTUSIONS AND A BIKE WORTH NOT VERY MUCH . . . . ON OCCASION HOWEVER, IT'S ABSOLUTELY TRUE, AT LAST, HONEST LOOK, YOU WEREN'T ANYWHERE TO BE SEEN, BECAUSE YOU WERE A HALF MILE DOWN THE FUCKING ROAD, BY THE TIME MRS JONES MOVES THROUGH THE INTERSECTION OR CHANGES LANES . . . . HELLO, WHERE DID YOU COME FROM ??? TAKE IT EASY IN HEAVY TRAFFIC GUYS, LIVE LONGER TO ENJOY IT MORE, IT ISN'T ALWAYS THE FAULT OF THE PERSON SAFELY AND SILENTLY ENSCONCED IN THE CAR . . . . OH, AND WATCH OUT FOR VIDEO BROTHER, HE'S PISSED !!!

THE GERMAN "WHA-BASH" CANNONBALL . . . . DEFYING ALL THE LAWS OF PHYSICS, GOOD TASTE AND GOOD SENSE . . . . FUNNIEST SHIT I'VE SEEN IN A WHILE . . . . THE BUM'S RUSH, TEUTONIC STYLE . . . . FUCKING HILARIOUS . . . . NOW FIRE IT UP FRITZ, TAKE THE PLUNGE, IT'S ONLY ICE . . . . SEHR AUSGEZEICHNET, AUF WIEDERSEHEN !!!!

9th WONDER AND BUCKSHOT "THE CHANGE UP" . . . . SWIPED THIS FROM THE BOYS AT DEATH SCIENCE THIS MORNING . . . . AS YOU MAY KNOW, I FUCKING LOVE RAP AND HIP HOP WITH SOUL AND GROOVE . . . . TO COME ACROSS A TUNE WITH THOSE POINTS WELL COVERED PLUS BIKER DUDES ADDING CHOPPY CRED VISUALS TO THE CLIP . . . . SIMPLY TOO FUCKING GOOD . . . . THE DEATH SCIENCE POSSE, GIT SOME !!!

This shit has got it all goin on in bucketloads, raps, grooves, beats, vibe and a bitchin series of chopper action cameos from the Death Scientists . . . . I've never heard any of 9th Wonder before and can only vaguely recall the name of Buckshot, apparently the Wonder dude is a producer/rapper/executive type cat from the Scientists home state . . . . whatever, this shit is awesome tuneage, groovin, movin and choppin its way into your soul . . . . and with fellow homeboys, the Death Scientist Chopper Collective, stalking the video, well, the end result is a total fucking winner . . . . multi media choppy superstar motherfunkers, yeah !!!!

"KING OF THE CAFES - 1955 NORVIN SUPERBIKE" ['MORTONS MEDIA GROUP'] . . . . HOLY FEATHERBEDS BATMAN, WHAT'S THAT THING IN MY ARSE . . . . IT'S ALRIGHT NOW ROBIN, IT'S ONLY A MONOCOQUE . . . . I'VE NEVER PROFESSED TO BE AN EXPERT BUT I HAVE SEEN A SHITLOAD OF BIKES IN MY TIME . . . . BUT NEVER A NORVIN WITH AN 'UNDER-CHOPPED', MONOCOQUE FEATHERBED FRAME . . . . GET THIS UP YA !!!!

I've seen the greatest of all Norton Featherbed hybrids, the mighty Norvin, in the flesh before, along with a Knucton and a Norsa in Brisbane and the usual array of Tritons, but never have I come across, either in the flesh or in any of the tons of mags and books I possess, an example with such a radically modified Featherbed as the one in this video . . . . allowing for the fact that the genuine, complete Vinnie was itself set in a monocoque frame I suppose the leap of faith to this end result wasn't that huge for the bloke who stitched up the beast's disparate parts into the jigger you see here. It sure looks the fucking bollocks to me, a tad bizarre at first but it grows on you pretty quick . . . . my only reservation is does the famed and fabulous frame lose any of it's structural integrity and strength with near half of the thing hacked off . . . . Mr Stansfield, any thoughts ???

BRANDON CASQUILHO OF 'MULLINS CHAIN DRIVE' IS HAWKING HIS GONG WINNING, AWE INSPIRING SUPER SHOVEL CHOP . . . . THE BIKE IS SO FULL OF CUSTOM, ONE OFF TOUCHES THERE IS NO WAY OF CALCULATING THEM . . . . IF YOU'RE A DETAIL FREAK, OR PERHAPS JUST A FABULOUS FREAK, THIS SCOOT HAS YOUR NAME ALL OVER SOME SURFACE, SOMEWHERE UPON IT . . . . GET IN QUICK WITH SENSIBLE OFFERS ONLY.

A FREAKIN AMAZING BUILD FROM FRAME TO FUCK OFF, THE THING THAT REALLY GETS MY GONADS IN A KNOT IS THE SEXY AS HELL BURNISHED FINISH ON THE MOTOR CASES, CALIPERS, MASTER CYLINDERS, KICKER SHAFT, GEARBOX, FASTENERS, MAGNETO AND A MESS OF OTHER PARTS . . . . ALONG WITH THE PIPES, THE LIGHTS, HIS CHOICE OF WHEELS, PAINT, CARBY, TRIPLE CLAMPS, THE ENTIRE FUCKING BIKE TO BE TRUTHFUL . . . . ANYWAY, IF YOU'VE GOT SOME SPARE BUGS BUNNY FLOATING ABOUT AND WANT A SCOOT THAT WILL ALWAYS STAND OUT IN A CROWD, PROBABLY GOES HARD AND HANDLES AS WELL, GET ONTO SENOR CASQUILHO AT mullinschaindrive.blogspot.com MAKE HIM A SERIOUS, NON OFFENSIVE OFFER AND YOU NEVER KNOW YOUR LUCK . . . . IT COULD BE YOURS.

"YANIV EVAN - POWERPLANT CHOPPERS" . . . . IS IT POSSIBLE TO BUILD REAL COOL RIDES AND STILL BE SHUNNED BY SOME OF THE INNER CIRCLE OF CHOPPER CLUB ELITE . . . . DOES CHARGING 25K TO HAND BUILD A CHOPPER FOR A PUNTER MAKE YOU TOTALLY UN-HIP . . . . CAN MAN MADE PATINA EVER BE CONSIDERED COOL BY ME . . . DOES DUMBARSE PERSONAL PREJUDICE FUCK OUR ABILITY TO ENJOY LIFE ??

Each and every one of the bikes below I have admired greatly, in some cases going back five years, I have also got off on stuff I've seen in "Two Wheeled Terrors" and other shit that's been put up on PooTube as well, there is also the fact that even the pretty commercial aspect of the "Geico Bike" was still inherently a cool lookin scoot, especially when compared to nearly every other uglier than shit on a stick 'theme bike' to see the light of day since this whole trip became public domain more than a decade ago . . . . all I know is that sometimes a bloke can be ostracised by virtue of a combination of perceived reasons that ultimately amount to nothing more than tiny minded, bullshit, personal prejudice. I realise it's a tad hard to judge from a distance but when I'm blog gawking, net surfing, magazine reading, whatever the fuck it is, I never see much of what Mr Evan is putting out . . . . I have strongly voiced an opinion about my dislike of artificially patina-ed parts on several occasions, it doesn't mean that when it's done tastefully and with subtlety, as Yaniv Evan has done in the past, that I can't find the good and the aesthetic cool in it, and, again, without knowing him at all, I'm sure that Scott Jones came away from his time at the Powerplant shop with more than he went in with, I doubt that would've been the end result if he'd been over at Big Bear, OCC or a slew of other operations producing ghastly, overdone, popout rubbish . . . . it's just a vibe though, my perception.

I reckon that the 'tall poppy syndrome' is just as prevalent in the world of choppers and custom bike building as it anywhere else in the game of life, if you're doing shit at the top tier of quality then all those who are not capable of turning out product at the same level tend to floculate together like flies on a turd to conspire against those who are doing what they can't, success breeds contempt . . . . always has and always will, and when you throw in things such as an ability to charge top dollar for the fruits of your labors, when your gig is situated in the middle of Whollyrood and a bunch of other inconsequential elements come into play in the minds of the easily intimidated and threatened, you're fucked, written off, sledged, kept at a distance and given what amounts to the schoolboy silent treatment . . . . I can tell you right now that I'd rather pay [and not that I ever would even if I had the spare folding stuff] twenty five or thirty large for a bike that is actually hand fabbed, unique, looks the total titties and is rideable on an everyday basis than I would ever consider anything coming out of 'cookie cutter' emporiums like . . . . well, you can guess the suspects from there.

What's the bottom line here ? I guess I've managed to confuse myself as I sometimes do when having a more considered rant and not just spitting napalm jelly and vitriol in a 'think it, type it' mode but I think it really just distills down to this . . . . if anyone can look at any of the pics here that I've borrowed from the net with your mind wide open and tell me that they ain't anything less than totally fucking cool, I'll eat shit for a month. The video beneath features Evan rapping about the build that he's taking to this years Yokohama Mooneyes gig and even though the whole 'steampunk' thing is a little outside of my own area of personal taste, I can still say that it looks like a beautifully executed jigger . . . . here endeth the dribble.

P.S . . . . for those who give a flying fuck, I am an observer, a voyeur, a 'chronicler' to borrow someone else's phrase, all my blurbs and dribblings are the result of one germ of a thought or a feeling/vibe, like a bull in a china shop, I then run with it, never knowing where it's gonna go or how it's gonna end up . . . . sometimes things go awry and end up in a quagmire I never envisioned, but I made a vow to myself when I began this blog caper it was gonna be all or nothing, full disclosure and nothing less, so that's where it's at . . . . if I screw shit up, misread a situation, it's not for lack of wanting it to be right, it's not my aim to offend folks and if that happens sometimes, if what I've posted is incorrect, I apologise, if the shit is correct and true . . . . then I suppose it's 'fuck you' time . . . . cheers. 

DO THE DOG, NOT THE MONKEY . . . . CAN YOUR PUSSY DO THE DOG . . . . ME AND YOU AND A DOG NAMED BOO . . . . LOVE ME, LOVE MY DOG . . . . OLD YELLER . . . . LASSIE COME HARD . . . . MEANER THAN A JUNKYARD DOG . . . . C'MON BUDDY . . . . TAKE IT TO A MOTEL ROOM . . . . CHEERS THATCH, YOU'RE ONE SICK PUPPY.

SRV "COULDN'T STAND THE WEATHER" 1985 ['SHUJI KOIKE'] . . . . IT'S WILEY REED'S FUNERAL AND WAKE TODAY . . . . NEEDED A BIT OF A LIFT PRIOR TO BEDTIME AND AN ENCOUNTER ON THE "KILLIN IT" BLOG . . . . NOT PRETTY I CAN TELL YA, THANKS BEN . . . . ANYHOO, DIG THESE CATS SO MUCH, WHAT A FUCKING BAND, WHAT A FUCKING GUITARIST/SINGER/SONGWRITER . . . . LIKE STEVIE, WILEY WILL LIVE ON . . . . PEACE.

"1956 FL CHOBBER/BOPPER" ['SBSTREETMACHINES'] . . . . MORE COOL SHIT FROM THE ORIENT, A DIRTY GREAT SHED CHOCK FULL OF CLASSIC IRON . . . . I'M BEGINNING TO GIVE SOME THOUGHT TO RIDDING THE OLD PROJECT SHOVELLER OF ITS EXHAUST GASSES . . . . I'VE ALWAYS DUG HIGH, LONG SHOTTIES, A COOL LOOK . . . . BUT I'VE ALWAYS HATED PIPE BURN ON THE INNER KNEE . . . . OUCH . . . . BURN BABY, BURN !!!

I guess a lot of the most attractive psychology behind chops, bobs, hot rods, customs and the like has been the sacrificing of a certain degree of practicality in the vain-glorious obsession with the pursuit of aesthetics and what looks cool . . . . even if looking cool is hotter than Satan's penis . . . . hmmmmm . . . . oh well, what the fuck . . . . hi Satan . . . . my name's Dog, now . . . . about your dick . . . .

THE METEORS "PLEASE DON'T TOUCH" . . . . BANGIN IT UP BIG TIME WITH BILLY ROCKERS, BIKES AND BABES . . . . MID PERIOD METEORS WITH A COVER OF THE CLASSIC 'PLEASE DON'T TOUCH' FROM '87/'88 . . . . P PAUL FENECH THE FATHER OF PSYCHOBILLY RUNNING AMOK IN LONDON TOWN . . . WOULD'VE SOLD MY MUM TO MOVE TO LONDON BACK IN THE DAY . . . . EPICENTRE OF THE MUSICAL UNIVERSE !!!!

THE METEORS, IN THIS WRITERS OPINION AT LEAST, ARE THE FOUNDING FATHERS OF THE SUB-GENRE WE KNOW AND LOVE AS PSYCHOBILLY, PRE-DATING ALL OTHERS, IT WAS THESE ROCKABILLY ROUGHNECKS WHO INTRODUCED ELEMENTS OF SCHLOCK HORROR AND FIFTIES SCI FI INTO THEIR TUNES, COUPLED WITH BREAKNECK, RAMONES TYPE SPEED AND FEROCITY, THAT HALLMARKED THE PSYCHOBILLY SCENE AS IT'S OWN DISTINCT ILLNESS . . . . STILL GOING TODAY WITH GUITARIST, SINGER, SONGWRITER, INK FREAK, P PAUL FENECH, THE ONLY ORIGINAL MEMBER, WHO GIVES A FUCK, IT'S THE CONTINUATION OF THEIR GIFT TO THE WORLD THAT MATTERS HERE, NOT THE REVOLVING DOOR OF PERSONEL CHANGES . . . . THE O.G MUSICAL WRECKING CREW . . . . OTMAPP . . . . FUCK YEAH !!!!

"BIG STIK" - 9 PIECE, SOUL/R+B/FUNK REVIEW, CIRCA 1993 . . . . MY FIRST EVER EXPERIENCE IN A 'COVERS' BAND, LASTED NEARLY 6 GREAT YEARS . . . . ME ON VOX, FIONA SCOTT VOX, ANDREW DAY PIANO/KEYS, CLIVE LLOYD GUITAR/VOX, ILIANO IQUINTO BASS/VOX, PETE McFARLANE DRUMS/VOX, ROB DAY TRUMPET, AL PRINGLE TENOR SAX, MAX WILLIAMS ALTO SAX . . . . RIP MAX AND AL, LOVE AND RESPECT.

Having spent almost a decade writing and playing mostly original, post punk, rockabilly/psychobilly inspired songs to reasonable critical and huge popular acclaim but never actually making any money, it was excellent to be a] clean of some nasty personal demons b] unexpectedly playing with 'real' musos doing tunes I never thought I'd be singing and c] actually getting paid good money to do it . . . . it's all very well proclaiming the integrity, the nobility and moral highground of doggedly pursuing your own path in the alternative/underground shitfight but ultimately even the fun goes out of that when you're constantly broke, living like paupers and watching every other fucker get fat off your back, PA hire, truck hire, sound guys, lighting guys, stage guys, agents and a myriad of other leeches, creatures and B-grade features.

Then you suddenly discover you've got the nuts and the talent to be singing songs you always loved but had thought were out of your league, James Brown, Blood, Sweat and Tears, Otis Redding, Wilson Pickett, Marvin Gaye, Joe Cocker, Chicago, Earth, Wind and Fire, whatever, it was total quality through and through . . . . and all of a sudden it doesn't feel 'dirty' or like you're 'selling out', it feels fucking wonderful to be working five nights a week, playing to happy, pissed, enthusiastic audiences with great players . . . . and it feels even better when you get your slice of the pie every time you do it, from a nine piece band for fuck's sake . . . . fuck art, lets have fun and make some money !!!!

"SUNRISE CYCLES" ['GENERICUSRNME'] . . . . I'M NOT TOO FAMILIAR WITH THESE GUYS APART FROM A FEW PICS IN MAGS, JUST SLIPPED UNDER MY RADAR . . . . BUT WITH ALL THE PROMO SURROUNDING THEM IN THE LAST WEEK, BEEN DOING SOME FISHING . . . . LUCKED ONTO THIS CARE OF AN INSANE VIDEO OF EDDIE CLEVELAND OVERCOOKING IT ON 'CHICO MOTO' BLOG . . . . CHECK IT OUT TOO, WAY RAD !!!!

LIKE I WAS SAYING, I'VE SEEN SOME SHOTS OF KOSUKE'S WORK IN SOME MAGS AND A FEW BLOGS OVER THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS BUT I'M NOT REALLY IN TOUCH WITH TOO MUCH MORE OF IT, THIS BRILLIANT BLUE PAN IS JUST THAT, BRILLIANT . . . . TOTALLY DIGGIN THE SHORTY PIPES AND THE FACT IT'S STILL A SWINGARM, THE MOTOR IS GORGEOUS AND THE FRONT END COMBO IS THE PERFECT BALANCE BETWEEN LESS AND MORE, THE CHROME OIL TANK KILLS IT AND THE PAINT SUITS THE TANK BIG TIME. JUST A REALLY COOL, PRACTICAL RIDE . . . . LOVIN IT !!!!

HAIR OF THE DOG . . . . I DRINK ALONE . . . . I MOSTLY RIDE ALONE TOO . . . . NEARLY ALWAYS HAVE, WITH SOME NOTABLE EXCEPTIONS . . . . THIS WAY YOU'RE NEVER BEHOLDIN TO OTHERS, FREE AS A VERY FREE THING AS 'LOVEY THE LONGHORN' WOULD SAY . . . . MID ARVO REST STOP, ESSENTIAL FOOD GROUP, ESSENTIAL OXYGEN ENHANCER AND ESSENTIAL CRANKING MECHANISM . . . . 400 KAYS, NICE.

Had a huge one at a good buddy's fiftieth last night, played up like a second hand chainsaw I did, feeling a bit fucking ordinaire this morning, nonetheless, out of bed early, oj, caffeine injection, a couple of ciggies and on the road by eight bells, up through the mountains, over the border, early lunch at the Woodenbong pub, chat with a couple of the locals, they're lovin the skirty, stoked . . . . head's starting to lose the fuzzy edge, feelin good, just me and the Purple Penis . . . . get a tank full of 98 octane, then back on the scootster and into it . . . . an hour and a half back to the highway and head north up to Beenleigh, sitting on 120, spurts of 140 and 150 when extended vision indicates no cops in line of sight, chuck a left and then point the front end westwards and gas it up in the direction of Beaudesert, decent country roads, lots of HOG members on Bling Glides and covered in all the correct factory merch . . . . these dudes are fucking mobile chicanes, blow em all off and hammer down to Beaudesert town, the phallus substitute is handling as good as it's ever going to, pass a pack of mean and scaries going full noise in the opposite direction, I get 'the nod' from the pointy end of the mob, it's reciprocated, I never seem to get the bums rush from the 1%er fraternity . . . . into town, a quick lemonade, turn it around and winding it up back towards Canungra, manage to sight the boys in blue in their hi-viz vests, swap cogs, grab some brake and avoid the gesture to pull the fuck over, excellent work mate . . . . blow past a handful of idiots on more brand new 'factory customs' just making a nuisance of themselves in the sunshine, where do these clowns learn to ride so badly, sketchy to the max, ghastly to watch, at one with the bike, not these wankers . . . . pull back and cruise through Army Town at designated speed, on the pin once more for the penultimate leg of the day, tons of roadkill stinking up the place, fall in behind a line of utes with well muddied dirt bikes in the back, patiently await the broken lines, out and down into third, nail it, fourth and back into top, nudging 160, the Penis pulling like a twelve year old schoolboy . . . . turn off for the Upper Coomera pub, up through the twisty bits and into the carpark, lid off, jacket off, into the bar, schooner of Cascade Light, a couple of Marlboros, argh, that's the shit, adios motherfuckers, the skirtster knows the way home from here, hi ho and away . . . . thrash back down the highway, between 130 and 140 all the way, avoid the fat whale woman pulling in on top of me, clearly blind and stupid, there's cops on the other side of the road who see me before I spot them but just watch helplessly as I fly past with the number plate below their line of sight, five minutes later, I'm pulling into the driveway, park it up, engine off, end of the journey, just shy of 400 kilometres for the day, job's a goodun . . . . the sunburn doesn't matter a damn.

***** Post script . . . . probably the last pack of smokes I'll buy before the Governments limpdick, kneejerk reaction, 'Plain Packaging Law' comes into effect, smokers once again have been targeted by the fucking social dogooder brigade and it's bye bye branded packets, plain brown, generic shit from here on in . . . . I hope they all get the pox and die a scared, miserable death . . . . fuck off the lot of you . . . . I want my emphysema !!!!

MUSIC OF THE BEIGE, BANAL, BLAND AND BORING VARIETY . . . . JACK JOHNSON, COLD PLAY, DONOVAN FRANKENFURTER, JACK JOHNSON, NICKLEBACK, PETE MURRAY, COLDPLAY, COLDPLAY . . . . ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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TWO FALCONS, THREE BLADES, THREE PEEPS, A DING AND A DOG . . . . A NIGHT OF GREAT FRIENDS, GREAT FOOD, GREAT BEER, GREAT VINO, GREAT TIMES . . . . "YOU'LL HAVE TO TURN AROUND AND COME BACK, IT JUST WENT BANG" . . . . 1 + 1 = 3 . . . . DON'T ASK AND YE SHALL STILL RECIEVE . . . . JACK IS A COMPUTER NERD GENIUS, HIS GIRL HAS WHISKERS . . . . "EXCUSE ME, DOES ANYONE WANT THE LAST CUPCAKE ???"

OFF TO THE SUNSET STRIP IN THE SKY . . . . NORM GRABOWSKI, AMERICAN HOT ROD CULTURE ICON, ACTOR, FUNNYMAN, BUILDER . . . . THE PERMANANTLY GOOFBALL BIG NORM BROUGHT A WHOLE MESS OF PLEASURE TO A LOT OF PEOPLES LIVES FOR OVER FIFTY YEARS . . . . PLUS 'THE RIPTIDES' TRIBUTE TO THE SHOW THAT MADE HIM A STAR "77 SUNSET STRIP" . . . . WHEREVER YOU'RE AT, RIDE IN PEACE, KOOKIE.

THEY'RE HEEEEEEEEEERE . . . . KIM HAS FINALLY GOT THE LARGER, SLIMMER, SEXIER AIR CLEANER UP FOR SALE AT BOYLE CUSTOM MOTO . . . . IF YOU DIG PLAIN, SIMPLE, CLEAN, TIMELESS, HONEST, BRILLIANTLY PRODUCED, HAND MADE PERFORMANCE PARTS AS I DO . . . . YOU MAY NEED TO SHOOT OFF AND CHANGE YOUR SMALLS AFTER THIS . . . . THE REAL DEAL . . . . "OH BOY, IS THIS GREAT !!" ['FLOUNDER' 1962]

Already being the proud owner of one of the ultra talented Mr Boyle's Thinner Pinner cleaners, I can vouchsafe their utterly exceptional quality, nothing is left unattended, every surface, every facet has been the subject of the dude's sharp eye for detail and finish . . . . so it is with great antici . . . . pation that I await the imminent arrival of the bigger version for the sporty, as much as I love the existing cleaner, as stated recently, it was only a stop-gap measure, a tad too busy and not aesthetically in sync with the overall style of the Purple Penis . . . . time has come today, hey !!! 

Photos will be published when the thing arrives . . . . c'mon Mr Postman, giddy up motherfucker !!!

All those wishing to avail themselves of Kim Boyle's masterful handiwork, get your shit together and follow this link to BCM . . . . http://boylecomm.blogspot.com . . . . where Zen and bikes collide !!!!

I DON'T READ FRENCH AND THAT'S WHERE THESE PRIMO CAST ROCKER COVERS COME FROM . . . . THINKING SERIOUSLY ABOUT NOT BUYING FOOD FOR THE NEXT TWO MONTHS TO PURCHASE A PAIR . . . . SUPPOSEDLY A BOLT ON FIT FOR THE SKIRTSTER BUT I DO HAVE SOME RESERVATIONS . . . . OF COURSE THEY DO THEM IN A RAW FINISH . . . . ME NO SHINY SHINY . . . . ANY INFO ANYONE ??? OLLIE ???

ANY SUBMISSIONS OF PHOTOS WITH THESE FINE FINNED FUCKERS ATTACHED TO A DONK ACTUALLY IN THE FRAME WITH TANK ON WOULD BE WARMLY APPRECIATED . . . . ALSO CURIOUS ABOUT THE RETENTION OF GASKETS AND SEALS, GALLONS OF LUBRICANT GUSHING FROM THE JOINTS WILL NOT BE COOL . . . . HOWEVER, SUFFICE TO SAY, I LIKE EM . . . . MERCI MON AMIS !!!!